Spare a thought
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The other week I wrote about Mother's Day, and one of my readers responded with a comment about the difficulties that women who cannot have children face on days like Mother's Days. It must very tough, especially with so much "in your face" commercialism surrounding such days. It isn't only women who cannot have children, it is also those who have lost children through miscarriage or later in life (such as through cot death, cancer, accidents), those who have husbands that cannot bear children and women who no longer have a mother. All these women feel the pain and loss and mostly forgotten, we need to be more sensitive, especially the church when celebrating motherhood.
I often read blogs about the Duggars and the praise heaped upon Michelle Duggar for all the children she has had (as if she is some perfect example of Christian motherhood). Is she? She is blessed (no doubt about it), but it isn't a competition to see who can have the most children. Lets remember to praise the mother with just one baby, she is as important as Michelle Duggar with all her children.
Just one gift from God is as precious as ten gifts from God.
A mother with only one child isn't likely to tell the world why she only has one child, but how they must feel when a mother of ten boasts about her large family, whilst the mother of one suffers in silences if she can no longer have any more for what ever reason.
And for those women who can't have children, how do they feel when large families are gushed over. I can only imagine. It must be tough for those women when ask the usual questions after they get married "when are you planning to start a family?" and not wanting to reveal that they are struggling . . . these are personal questions that they may not feel comfortable sharing and shouldn't have to.
Whilst we all like to celebrate a new birth, it is a wonderful time as each new baby is a gift from God, lets remember all those women who can't have children for whatever reason.
God has very special plans for these women too, it just may not be motherhood.
My sentiments exactly, Jo Louise. Since when did Mother's Day become a church holiday, anyway? Honestly, most people just need to keep their comments to themselves about why people have many children or only one child, or none. People have their reasons and may not want to share them with you.
ReplyDeleteWe were unable to have children for many years, and Mother's Day at church became unbearable. One Sunday, we even had to get up and leave. We felt so unloved by God and so condemned and worthless. It hurt. We felt so left out. We finally were able to have 2 boys of our own, thank God. But we never forgot that forlorn feeling of being unintentionally and oddly childless.
Now that my husband is a pastor, he handles Mother's Day by honoring all of the women and girls in the church, because even those who do not have children of their own usually take part in the child-raising process as aunts, sisters, cousins, friends. So, every woman and girl gets a carnation to take home. They love it, and no female is left out. It is Women's Day at our church.
i was really touched by what you wrote - the very people who should be caring towards others treated you so badly. I was turned off a couple of blogs and Facebook pages by the constant " we have 6 children with another one on the way", I found the bragging very unChristian, even if the women didn't realise they were doing it. And as far as I am concerned, it isn't about having lots of children, its about loving and caring for what you have and if that is only 2 them those are two very precious children.
DeleteI love what your husband is doing - it sounds wonderful:)
Blessings to you and your family.
Thank you, Jo. You really touched my heart! Your compassion brought tears to my eyes. ((Hugs)) to you in Jesus. :-)
ReplyDeleteThat's ok Mary, what you wrote really touched me and I found it very sad that you and other women are treated like that by people who say they are Christian. And as Ellie Rae says in her comment - women who don't have any children contribute so much to the bringing up of their extended family (in many cases) and they offer so much and shouldn't be disregarded.
DeleteEllie Rae, I'm so tickled that your husband does the same thing my dad used to do when he was a pastor. :-) He would have flowers of some sort for each lady and girl present. That seems so much more like the mind of Christ to me! Some churches do make sure all the adult ladies receive something that Sunday, but usually there are special "awards" for the many various mothers. I doubt anyone ever thinks to offer an award to the woman who has been childless the longest...not that she'd want that recognition.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why Mothers day is in the church or has anything to do with churches or pastors at all? I don't see anything in the Bible about making the day about mothers... Isn't the Lord's day supposed to be about HIM????
ReplyDeleteAnyway - on a more personal, family level, I really appreciated what you wrote, Jo. I've often felt that because two children is more along the lines of "normal" family size, people lump me in with everyone else who believes "having two children is perfect, why would you want any more, you've done your bit" way of thinking. Some of us would love to have our arms more full than they are, but for varying reasons are unable... And bragging mothers of 6-12 children aren't appealing. I think it's wonderful that some women are blessed in that way, but such blessing should include a huge dose of humility that God would bless one in such a way, rather than pride in numbers. Some women would love to have that many children, and those women should be treated with care and acknowledged also.
I think one of the problems is that infertility or childlessness in any form is a very touchy subject and most people don't have a clue how to approach it. Perhaps they need an education on what those women really need..? It's a very old problem - consider Hannah and Peninnah, the two wives of Elkanah. This problem is right there in the Word. And I do think the Lord has a special heart for women like Hannah. Which is a wonderful comfort.
I think the church likes to have these "themes" that relate to things happening in society and one would be Mothers Day. I think most would think it was irrelevant that wasn't talked about in the bible directly saying that the topic of mothers is and that is enough.
DeleteI don't think you need to explain to anyone why you have 2 children and I have 2 children. it is a personal matter between your husband, yourself and God but I find other people are noisy and make judgements based on what they "see" and it must be really hard.
You are right, the Bible has a number of examples of childless mothers and when some of them do have children, they only ever have a couple. Not everyone can or would cope with lots of children and the Lord knows these things.
And - having children isn't like owning cars or a collector's item... They are not a "feather in the cap"... They are a massive responsibility... And perhaps women who are prideful of their brood aren't taking their responsibility seriously enough?
ReplyDeleteI really like this about children aren't a collectors item - stop on. Sometimes when you read blogs that is how it feels, boasting of the next pregnancy as if its a badge of honour.
DeletePrecious thoughts. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteah Joluise, very thoughtful post I was never able to have children and and also have never married but always blesses my heart when my brother in law wishes me "happy aunty's day!" on mother's day :D Actually have tears in my eyes as think of it..
ReplyDelete.. also been struggling in prayer for a niece who has has just had one little bundle with great effort - "still water runs deep"..
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thanks for the thoughtfulness, love Shaz in oz.x
Thanks for stopping by. I had an aunt who never married and never had children and was the best aunt ever. My grandmother died long before I was born and my aunt was our "substitute" grandma too. A very important roll indeed.
DeleteYes I do have the verification on and I don't like it, but I am badly spammed and had no choice. Up too 50 spans per day. If you know how to stop spanning let me know.
Thanks for dropping by:))
I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for your honesty and consideration in the way you worded it.
ReplyDeleteWe have chosen to stop our family with only one child & even that seems to be frowned upon by society - as if the ideal number is something between 2 and 4. More is frowned upon and less is frowned upon!!!
I am sure you have been asked in the past "when are you having more".
DeleteHave a lovely weekend:)) I hope it is warmer where you are, as its very cold and wet here.