Just forget the past

Forty-nine years ago on Christmas Eve my mother gave birth to a baby girl, her first daughter. 

Her name was Elizabeth.  

She died three months later. 

Cot death. 

I spoke to my mum on Christmas Eve and she said something very sad. Someone had said to her at the nursing home "just forget about the past, its gone, get over it" in reference to her baby daughter.

How can a mother ever "forget the past" after loosing a baby, even if it was 49 years ago. Whilst time does heal the pain, it doesn't mean they ever forget their child.

My mother asked another woman at the nursing home who lost a baby many many years ago and her rely was "I think of my baby every single day of the year". 

How heartless to say such a thing to a mother, to anyone who has lost someone dear. 

Whilst my mother is now elderly, she is still a mother no matter how old she is.  And those precious children that are in heaven will never be forgotten by their mothers.

Some people need to think before they speak.
Don't they realise how hurtful words can be. 

To all the mothers who have lost babies, you are in my prayers.


And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, not crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Revelations 21:4


  1. Jo, this is so true. What a shameful thing to say to a mother. We have a family friend who has two daughters who have had miscarriages. It was very important to them to remember their children. He suggested that they name their babies (gender versatile names) and pick a date during the year to remember each baby specifically every year - as a family, not just the mother. Not everyone may feel they need to do that but it can certainly serve a purpose, and those are real people that Christians will see again someday.

    As has been discovered in recent years, a mother carries some cells from her children with her all her life in her brain (and perhaps elsewhere). Your sister is still very much part of your mother, and no wonder she remembers! Someday soon she will see her again as I understand your parents are believers.

    1. My mother can't wait to see her baby daughter again in heaven, that is something so important to her. Its something she talks about quite a lot these days as she gets older and her days are numbered.

      Each mother needs to deal with her grief the best way that suits her and no one else knows what is best. I think naming a lost baby, even through miscarriage is so important.

  2. Miscarriage or the death of a child is a very heavy loss, no matter how early or late it happens. And after you already have children, miscarriage I think can be even harder - you have children who are growing and have a personality and you hold them and know what having your own child in your arms is like... and I think because of that it is easier to visualize just HOW MUCH you have lost through your miscarriage. Sometimes you even imagine life without the child/children that have lived and that puts even more reality to your loss - your long and ache to hold that little child you have lost in the same way you hold your living children... if that makes sense. My heart goes out to your mother and I can understand her sense of longing and her grief. As if you could just forget the past; what a harsh and horrible thing to say - from someone who perhaps has never truly loved.


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