I wish I could run away from reality


I would love to have no trouble and difficulties in my life. It would be great to close the front door of my home and shut myself off from the world and live in a beautiful bubble.  No longer read bad news, see bad news or watch bad news - life would be blissful, peaceful, calm, perfect -- I could fill my blog with only good news and share with all the beauty around me -- but sadly this isn't reality for some of us and we are faced with reality whether we like it or not. 

Caring for someone with depression is a choice I would never have made. There are days when I wish I could walk away from it all. But no mother can do that. Depression is emotionally draining for those caring for someone with depression. There are time when I see my mobile ringing or a text message flash on the screen and I really don't want to pick it up or read the message. I don't want to see another piece of bad news. Whilst the sufferer has bad days, so does the carer - their good days reflect my good days and their bad days reflect my bad days. You don't seem to have any control over this roller coaster ride.

It is times like this when I wish I could run away from reality. 

It is exhausting.

I have shed too many tears already.

Yes, I know all the verses of comfort and support, I know that I must trust in the Lord for all things, I know I must not panic or stress. But living this in reality is mighty hard work and I fail many times and I doubt I am not alone with this.

Being cheerful around others is hard work, keeping a smile on ones face when you are feeling anxious and panicking is very difficult.  I need to be as positive and encouraging as I can, I need the one suffering not to suffer.  That is hard work but it so important. I never knew how hard it would be to remain upbeat when there are desperation on the phone.

Do you know how hard it is too keep someone wanting to live when all they see is darkness?

I pray that you never in that situation.

Life has many struggles and as mothers and parents some of us are unable to live in a beautiful calm peaceful bubble when one of our children is suffering.  No matter how much we want to carry their pain and desperation, in reality we can't, all we can do is PRAY and  keep on reassuring them that life IS worth living.

I take each day as it comes and not looking any further. I pray that God will keep on being there for me (I know he won't leave) and making sure that I and my child can keep putting one step in front of the other. Life is worth living, but conveying that message to someone who can't see the beauty is so hard, far harder than I ever dreamt.

I write this on a bad day, perhaps tomorrow it will look less bleak.

For all those suffering from depression and all those caring, my heart goes out to you.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. 
Joshua 1:9


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Comments

  1. My dear dear Jo- my heart breaks that you and one of your children are in pain. Depression- watching those who suffer-- can weigh so heavy on our hearts. If I were closer I would hug you so tightly. I will pray for you and your family-- life is not fair. I hope you all have a better day tomorrow.

    Sending you much love
    Vicki

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    1. Vicki, it is comments like yours that warms my heart and keeps me going. Thankyou so much:))

      May tomorrow be better, I pray I have often.

      xxx

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  2. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. And you know my ear is always open, whenever you want to dump =)
    love tons,
    Bets

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    1. I know where to find you!!! Thanks and your prayers mean so much to me.

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  3. Sorry to hear of your struggles Jo. I will be thinking and praying for you. xx

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    1. Thanks heaps Tania - this struggle has given me new respect for all those parents who have children with cancer that go on and on for years - I have a better understanding how they must feel.

      Thanks for stopping by, it means a lot.

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  4. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Words I needed to hear today; and bless you.

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  5. Dear Jo, May this day be a better day for you! Your heart is feeling very heavy and I hope it lifts very soon. We all go through batches, but this sounds like a very long duration for you! Swim hard and fast to the shore!
    Miss Roxy

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    1. Dear Roxy, sadly depression can last for years,therefore my caring role will last for quite a while. Through Christ I will get stronger and be able to swim better:))

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  6. I am walking in your shoes today. Your words are my words. Your hurting heart reflects mine." I Will Praise YOU in the Storm...is also my song". Your words help my sorrowing. Eyes on Jesus.

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    1. God never leave us and we need to always remember this. He is with us 24/7.

      God bless

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  7. Depression is a horrible thing to have to deal with. When you feel overwhelmed as you do it is good to seek help. God does not expect us to handle these things on our own. I will pray that help will come your way and that your suffering will be eased. One thing I can tell you for sure, things will get better.

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    1. With out God it would be almost impossible. Thankyou for your prayers.

      xx

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  8. So sorry, Jo. I know how hard it is to deal with depression - and how frustrating. And I know the Lord will be there for you to lean on every day because He loves you deeply. Keep your eyes on Him. We pray for you and your son and hope he can find his way out of the darkness soon. I'm here if you ever need to talk it out. Love you xx

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    1. Thankyou Clara:))) with The Lord Jesus Christ, we will get there.

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  9. I am a carer for someone in a very dark place. I almost lost them Sunday. I know, and I worry, and I cry too.

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    1. We must not give up on those suffering, they need us at any time of the day or night.

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  10. Jo, I read this a few days back and didn't know how to respond. I am praying for you. It is so hard to be the strength and encouragement for someone else. Thank God you can rely on His strength to get you through! I know others are hurting in this area too and somehow it helps to know you are not alone so sharing can be a blessing...

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    1. Thanks so much Jes, I know the Lord is with me and whilst I have moments of being afraid, I know things will work out in the end. God is keeping a watchful eye over my son even if he doesn't realize it.

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  11. Hugs to you Jo. I know that feeling of helplessness when a loved one sees no point in living. How to assure them it is worthwhile when they see no hope. My son's mental health problems led him to deep depression. He is now gaining some stability. Though we struggle with all the encouragement verses, people really do care and we know that only resting in Christ brings peace.
    Blessings on your whole family.

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    1. Thanks so much Ruby. Hugs received and welcome. We are some way from stability but I have seen small improvements that are pleasing. Sadly depression runs in the family and there a others in the family with the same difficulties. I jus didn't expect it to affect my son:( God has His reasons which I am yet to understand. In time I will.

      Thankyou so much for you blessings:)))

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  12. Dear Jo, I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult situation. As a mother I'm sure that it is hard for you not to allow it to affect you deeply, but, oh, I pray you can keep it from consuming you as well.

    You are not alone in wishing for a place to which you might escape. I think we all have times when we long for that. Remember the weeping prophet, Jeremiah, who suffered such miserable things while prophesying among the Israelites said, "Oh that I had in the wilderness a lodging place of wayfaring men; that I might leave my people, and go from them!..." Jeremiah 9:2.

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    1. Mary, I think you hit the nail on the head with your comment about not letting it consume me. That is something I am very aware of and one reason why I find going to work so therapic, it stops me thinking of the "what ifs" and becoming paranoia . At home I find sewing to be a stress reliever as well.

      I think we all need a place to escape to, even for a little while :)) reading in bed is one such place!

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  13. You and your family are in my thoughts & prayers Jo.
    I feel that so much focus in often put on the person who is struggling with depression that we can tend to forget those who care for that person.
    May you truly find your strength to continue in Christ alone xxx

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    1. Thanks Sandy, I don't think people realise how many become involved (even if they don't wish to) when someone is suffering from depression or any other type of mental illness. Its not just family but also includes friends as well - however it extends to workplaces as they have to be accommodating when I need time off.

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