Lazy parenting
"Many people have the expectation that children are going to come to school and they are going to be taught all of the things, including something as basic as speech, manners and toilet training,’' . . . Parents are making schools responsible for toilet training their children in some cases, putting an extra burden on educators, teachers have reported. (source)
I think we are living in an age of lazy parenting
. . . apathetic parents
. . . parents who are no longer parenting.
Parents using electronic devices such as iPads and TV as baby sitting tools.
Parents who don't have the time to have proper conversations with their children.
Parents who are too "busy" to play with their children.
Parents who don't have the time for proper sit down meals that are healthy and home cooked.
Parents who take their children to the park but then spend the entire time checking their phones.
Parents who send their children to school with lunch boxes full of junk foods.
Parents who buy their children whatever they want rather than teaching them the meaning of no.
Parents who no longer teach manners or how to eat correctly.
A neuro-psychologist in the UK, Sally Goddard Blythe, researched the link between children who missed out on simple childhood activities and those who started school with learning problems. She found many toddlers were watching 4.5 hours of TV a day instead of playing, and went on to start school with poor emotional development and motor skills. (research) found that almost half of all UK five-year-olds who started school only had the motor skills of a baby, including the inability to hold a pencil. The cause, she said, was because parents had not spent enough time playing with their children or letting them play with others. (source)
Its easy to blame working parents for this . . . I am not so sure (however I do think it is playing a vital part). I think we are living in an age where many parents don't want to put the effort into training their child in the basics such as toilet training, manners or the meaning of "no" as it requires effort and far too much of their "precious" time and if you can get someone else to do it, why not? More and more parents expect the school to teach everything and then criticise the school when they struggle and fail. These activities are not the responsibility of schools, they belong to the parents. Parents have forgotten that they still have a teaching/training responsibility that has never belonged to the school.
A decline in traditions like sitting down to eat dinner together and using common courtesies such as 'excuse me' stems from lazy parenting, according to a survey of grandmothers.They also blamed bad behaviour at school on the axing of old rules which saw children sit at desks all day and stand respectfully when a teacher entered the room. They believe that good manners can only be learned by example, with many 21st century parents failing to provide the same disciplinary boundaries they had. (source)
These grandmothers are right and its such a tragedy. We are raising a generation of children who will have no self control, do not understand the meaning of no, expect everyone to do everything for them, unable to think on their own, lazy (no longer required to help around the home), disrespectful and rude to their elders etc..
It is more than a worry. However there are some parents doing the right thing and that is wonderful. I work with a lovely young man who is polite, kind, generous, well dressed and well spoken. He is a pleasure to work with because of the way he was brought up. We just need many more of these young people.
However just 37 per cent of children today say 'excuse me', before interrupting someone, a disappointment to the 82 per cent of grandmothers polled who did so during their childhood. Meanwhile, the number of children writing thank-you letters has dropped dramatically, from 86 per forced to do so when grandparents were young to just 35 per cent today. (source)
Train up a child in the way he should go:
and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6 (KJV)
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Manners are definitely a thing of the past in many circles. It seems that our busy way of life does make teaching some of these things more difficult, however just because they're difficult to teach shouldn't mean they are neglected. I am not a perfect parent (far from it, in fact), but I do try to instill basic manners in my children. I know I still have a long way to go!
ReplyDeleteI would say - to those whose child-raising years are over - please pray for us of the younger generations who are raising children, and pray for our children - we need your prayers so desperately... these are definitely very difficult times because of the way society is changing so rapidly.
It was interesting reading the articles (and watching Turning Nine on the ABC) because lazy parenting also include, for example, making children their breakfast or school lunch or tying their shoe laces as its easier to just do these things rather than teaching children to do these tasks themselves. In fact it can mean more work for the parents in the long run - because they haven't taught their children the basics.
DeleteI don't think any of us are perfect parents - and many do try to do the very best they can, but I think we have a growing number of parents who could do a far better job.
Whilst society is changing rapidly - I think that is the cry of every generation, basically its tough being a parent (no matter when) and each new generation tests the previous ones!
Yeah, that's true that every generation thinks it's tougher for them to be a parent than it was for the former generations... And there is Biblical truth in that - 2 Timothy 3:13 - society (specifically the evil people who comprise society) is absolutely getting worse due to this deception spoken of in God's Word. It's not just something everyone says when it comes to their turn to be a parent! It is tough being a parent, and it will continue to get more and more difficult because the world is getting worse - not staying the same or getting better. :( Sad, really.
DeleteThe one thing that is declining rapidly is the belief in Christ - at least in my parents generation and prior most people went to church and believed in the bible, that is disappearing so fast. Now it is hard to find someone who goes to church and believes in the Bible as the Truth.
DeleteOur dear Lord knew and told us: "When the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” (Lk.18:8). Well, certainly he will, but most people choose the wide, easy way. Let us be like Noah´s family, and be found ready, faithful and waiting for Him.
DeleteRachel
This is so true.... we had to be in the public a LOT - especially in medical circles due to health problems w/ our second son... .it was amazing how many times our children were admired and we were congratulated on how well we were raising our children... and we were not doing anything "special", but just being parents..... a few times kind comments about how wonderful our children are... came immediately after we were just chastising them for not doing a good job... we all learned to laugh about that... but it was also sad that even when not doing well, they still stood out from the normal obedience of children,... a very sad statement about our culture. It takes denying ourselves... and it isn't easy, but we NEED to do it. If we don't raise them, the world will... Thank you for posting this article. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. What parents don't realise, a few years of firm teaching when the children are young makes parenting much easier when they are older as they have already learnt the ground rules and boundaries. When we went out I never allowed my children to run about and annoy everyone else, but so many parents no longer care if they annoy others.
DeleteHi Jo,
ReplyDeleteThanks for coming over to visit! ;-D
Yes as a Grandma I can only grieve the direction that the world is going, but also
thankful that there are moms that are still aware and teaching their children well.
Many Blessings, Linnie
It is heartwarming to see parents doing the right thing and bringing up beautiful children. Sadly many aren't and that is heartbreaking.
DeleteMy daughter in law told me that "when my boys go to school, they will be taught how to behave there.....I don't have to teach them." I suggested to her that her boys were born as new babies with no knowledge of anything, and it was up to her and her husband to make sure the right information was put into those little minds...Her boys are now past 20 and 18 and "live together" with their girl friends and do "what ever".
ReplyDeleteWhen our son and his wife come to visit she now tells me..."I should have listened to you, mum, it's too late now to teach and tell them" (What can I do?) I just keep praying for them.....no matter what, they are all in God's hands! A lot of "if only's"
Oh, I am so sorry.... I'm sure we will all have some regrets, but this has to be so painful. What a blessing that they have you to pray for them.... even if they don't recognize the blessing of it.
DeleteSadly we can't go back in time and fix our errors which is why it's important to get the right at the start. I agree with Gentle Joy, prayers and lots of them is such a blessing and one day perhaps they will understand.
DeleteGood parenting takes a lot of TIME. I always opposed the idea of "quality time." Yes, it should be quality, but quantity is also very important. At the time it seems exhausting, but you will never regret the time spent with your children.
ReplyDeleteSadly, laziness is probably the #1 reason. It takes WORK to raise a child. You need to get off the chair and actually do what you threatened..., etc., it is much easier to sit there and continue the "don't do that Johnny"... "be a nice boy Johnny" and it all sounds so condescending... The second reason is that the parents want to be the pals. They don't want to be the bad guys... This post is spot on.
ReplyDeleteOne reason we ended up homeschooling is I was too lazy to want to constantly fight what was coming home from the schools. It was easier just to do it right from the beginning & have one set of rules for everywhere: our rules. No conflict of interest. Better for the kids too in the end.
ReplyDelete