Teaching self-control

Whoever has no rule over his own spirit Is like a city broken down, without walls. Proverbs 25:28

As a child, every Sunday my family and I went to our uncle's home for Sunday morning meeting. When my grandfather was alive, we would gather at his home. We didn't attend a main stream church, rather our family gathered together for hymns, bible reading and pray.  Between hymns there were periods of silent which, for any child, felt like forever. It was tough going at times. As children we were expected to sit quietly, no talking, no fidgeting, no walking about and we certainly weren't allow to have any toys to play with or books to read. As the youngest I sat next to my parents and if I did anything wrong I was given "that look" which I knew meant trouble. 

From memory, I can't remember any of us getting into major trouble, we knew what was expected of us from an early age and we did as we were told - otherwise it meant trouble and perhaps the wooden spoon on our bottom once we got home.  I think fear kept us generally well behaved.

We also had to sit quietly when visiting friends (something we did occasionally on Sunday afternoons).  This wasn't as strict as Sunday morning meeting, but we were expected to be polite,  well mannered and to behave as children should - not loud or noisy and certainly not talking over  adults when they were talking. 

The need to sit quietly (which requires self control) is a skill we are loosing all too quickly. Most children at church are no longer required to sit still and keep quiet. Many children go to Sunday school where they can make as much noise as they like. Children now take toys, books and even electronic devices with them to church to keep them occupied, however I am not sure if this is really a good thing in the long term.

Children do need to learn to sit still and quiet, even for short periods of time.  Not only do they need to sit quietly, they need to learn to listen and concentrate on what is being said and that is difficult to do when playing with devices or reading books. Learning to sit still and listen teaches a child self-control, something I think is lacking in many children (and certainly some adults) these days.

There is something like 52 verses in the bible regarding self-control, which tells me this is really important for Christians. We also have examples, such as Eve, where self-control wasn't used and the consequences were not pretty at all. We need to have self-control and we need to instil it into our children from an early age.

A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back. (Proverbs 29:11)

Sadly, we live in a world without self-control which is evident in the increase in violence, stealing, gambling, drunkenness, pornography, lying, cheating etc... making it even harder for Christians to maintain strong self-control. For Christians who do say "no" to temptation are often ridiculed and mocked for "not joining in" making the struggle even more difficult.  No wonder some Christians backslide.  However this should not come as any surprise to us, as it is clearly written in 2 Timothy 3:1-5

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!

Self control is not just about learning to sit quietly in church, it involves all aspects of our lives:

• being able to control ones emotions e.g. anger
• being able to control what one says to another
• being about to control lust —the wandering eye and staying away from pornography
• being able to control the amount one eats and drinks (gluttony)
• being able to control the household budget
• being able to control how we behave at work, at church etc.
• being able to stick at a task that isn't very enjoyable 
• being able to say no to sinful desires
• being able to go to bed on time and getting up in the morning
• being able to control time spent on the computer/TV and other electronic devices

Self control isn't always fun and in fact it can be very painful and result in suffering. This is best illustrated in a marriage. A husband is ranting at his wife, saying very hurtful words and she just wants to respond angrily, however it is in this instant that she needs to use self-control and look to the Lord Jesus Christ as her example — her words and behaviour need to be biblical. However, this is incredibly hard in the heat of an argument where there is so much pain.

Whilst 2 Timothy 3:1-5 shows us what happens to those lacking self-control,  Titus Chapter 2 shows us how we need to behave - a long list of things that relate to self control for both men and women, young and old:

But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behaviour, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things — that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

Likewise, exhort the young men to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you.

I am certainly still working on my self-control and struggle at times to do what is right. However through much pray and bible reading, it does become easier in time (and with age). However it is important not to turn "self-control" into a pride issue e.g. "I can do it better than you". This is no better than not having self-control.

So lets work on our self-control this week and perhaps see if we can make improvements in those areas we struggle with most.

So then, my beloved brethren, 
let every man be swift to hear, 
slow to speak, 
slow to wrath. 

James 1:19

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