Are modern women becoming harder and harsher?

Painting by Daryl Urig 
What I mean is that modern women . . . to a greater or less extent (are) hard. The yearning you all display to prove your worth, to show that you know this and that, to ensure that you can have it all. The yearning to succeed and, even more, the yearning not to fail; the yearning not to be seen as inferior, but instead even as superior, simply for being exactly what you believe you are, or rather what you’ve been made to believe you are. The inexplicable yearning for the world to give you credit simply for being a woman.

from The Awakening of Miss Prim by Natalia Sanmartin Fenollera (page 285-286) 

I came across this paragraph whilst reading a novel the other day. This isn't from Christian literature but it resonated with me and it made me think .

Are modern women becoming harder and harsher? 

I think the answer is yes.

 I know the answer is yes.

Women (in general) are loosing their femininity, their softness, their gentleness, their meekness, their graciousness, their vulnerability, their sensitivity, their emotional bond with family, children and home as they strive to gain equality, to prove themselves, to have it all, to be better than men, to achieve greatness.

Being a mother and wife is no longer considered an important calling. 

I think many of you would agree that women have become harsher, more critical, more competitive, bitter, frustrated, bad mannered, more vulgar in their language and their dress, louder and we are seeing an increase female drunkenness, drug taking, violence and problems with mental illness. 

There was always going to be price for women leaving their traditional roles and taking on the world. But the price has been greater than anyone expected and many are still blind to the cost (not just to themselves, but to others), or are unable to find a way back without biblical truth. 

So why have women gone down this path? Why have they decided that femininity is now bad news, that a soft answer is a sign of weakness? That anger is better than gentleness.

I suppose the simple answer is straying from the Word of God, becoming Godless. I think its selfishness, its the "all-about me" culture that we live in. But ultimately it is about feminism sending out the message constantly reminding women that being meek, quiet-spirited, gentle and kind were all outdated concepts shackling women to the home and a life of servitude. No longer do women want to be behind the scenes, now they wanted to be centre stage and to get there, they have to be tough, loud, harsh and hard and for some women, they will do anything to reach their ultimate goal.

However the bible is very clear about the behaviour of women, old and young, being hard and harsh isn't one of them. Women are to:
  • Love their husbands and children (Titus 2-5)
  • Be keepers of their homes (Titus 2-5)
    Painting by Vladimir Volegov
  • Watches over the ways of her household (Proverbs 31:27)
  • Be a helpmate to one's husband (Genesis 2:18)
  • Be discreet (Titus 2-5)
  • Good (Titus 2-5)
  • Obedient to their husbands (Titus 2-5)
  • Extends her hand to the poor (Proverbs 31:20)
  • Have a heart of incorruptible beauty - inner beauty (1 Peter 3:5)
  • Gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:5)
  • Opens her mouth to wisdom (Proverbs 31: 26)
  • Respond softy (Proverbs 15:1)
  • Submit to one's husband (Ephesians 5:22)
  • Wear modest apparel, with propriety and moderation (1 Timothy 2:9-10)
  • Undertake good  and godly works (1 Timothy 2:9-10)
  • Meditate on what is pure, lovely, good report, virtuous and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:4-8)
However one of the biggest problems we have in our current society is the lack of older wiser women to help and encourage younger women. To teach them the ways of the bible, to share with them their experiences, to lend a helping hand, to show them how to run a household, to raise children, to be helpmates to their husbands.

. . . older women likewise, that they be reverent in behaviour, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things (Titus 2-5).

Without this guidance, younger women will flounder and struggle. If their only role models are celebrities and the hard women around them, then it becomes a difficult battle. I hope blogs like mine encourage Christian women to strive for a gentler life, one that goes against modern culture. And if you do need to work (as I do), just watch your behaviour and don't become tough, hard and harsh like many other women around you. 

And the servant of the Lord must not strive;
 but be gentle unto all men,
apt to teach,

(2 Timothy 2:24)



  1. What a timely post, this is a topic I've been mulling over recently. I am blessed to work in an all-female office, and we work with college students (mostly 18-22 year olds). I believe that a lot of the hardness and harshness I see comes from women who no longer realize the source of their TRUE worth. They think it comes from some worldly source like money or being attractive to men or being "in charge" of their group of friends or academic/career achievement. Thank you so much for including a list of scriptures that are wonderful truths about what our Lord finds beautiful in a woman. I think I'll print it and keep it at work *hugs*

    1. I work with some wonderful women who are very feminine, kind and caring and I feel very blessed. I find women portrayed on TV as very loud and "in your face" and not very pleasant characters at all. And men are often portrayed as silly, especially fathers.

  2. Replies
    1. Thankyou :)) Have a wonderful week ahead.

  3. Good morning.

    This is a great post!

    I not my head in agreement with everything you said today Jo. Thank you for the reminder about Godly womanhood.


    1. Thanks Tania - did you get much rain over the weekend, I thought of you and hoped for good news.

  4. I so agree with what you have written, Jo! I hate the fact that we've all become hard, harsh women in today's society - we are no longer the gentler sex. And that is really sad. I do think though that it's not just because of leaving the home (although that is also involved), because some women don't leave the home and yet they can still be hard and harsh. I think it has to do with media, it has to do with technology, it has to do with living a fast-paced jam-packed lifestyle even for stay-at-home women/mothers. When we don't have time to slow down, it's difficult to be soft, sweet, kind, even-tempered and so on. We are so busy and so involved in so many pursuits that we don't have time to be godly, in some respects. Being the sweet person of the Scriptures requires a refreshed woman (and by that, I don't mean a lazy, well-entertained woman) - a woman who slowly and steadily works through her work for the day, taking time to be refreshed in the Scriptures, to hug her children, to sit down to read a book or play a game, to stop and counsel her children when they are in need of counsel, rather than doing it on-the-fly. A slower pace would really make a huge difference for me, I think. Do you know what I mean?
    (And with that, I need to get off here and do some of those things so I don't have to rush them later because I've wasted too much time online!! ;) )

    1. What women don’t realise is that being the gentler sex doesn’t mean that we are “weaker”, in fact women are very strong, not in the physical sense of lifting things, but the fact we can manage child birth shows that we have amazing strength and ability to cope. Women throughout history have overcome some horrible situations (e.g. through wars) with courage but haven’t lost their feminine caring ability. In fact it is often that nurturing that keeps them going and gives them strength.

      Yes, I think the whole of society could benefit from slowing down, men and women, young and old. it would be much better for our health and wellbeing, including our mental health.

  5. Great post and very true. I try and strive to be a women and wear my lipstick and take care with how I look. I want to honour my husband in all that I do. Thanks for sharing this, would love it if you would pop over to good morning mondays and link up. Blessings

    1. Thanks Terri and I have :)) I want to be a woman too and proud of being a woman and find that being harsh and hard isn't liked by many men (even those who are not Christian which I find interesting). Have a wonderful week.

  6. Thanks for linking up Jo and sharing your heart, your passion to follow God is evident in how your writings. Have a wonderful week too. Blessings

  7. Wonderful, wise post. How far we've fallen just in my lifetime of 55 yrs. My goal is to be one of the older women teaching the younger women as Titus 2 instructs us. Thanks for reminding us that soft and gentle are much better than hard and harsh.

    1. You are so right, the last 50 years has shown such sudden change and not for the better. Glad to hear there are some Titus 2 women about teaching younger women:)
      Have a wonderful week.

  8. Wonderfully written! This is a great post! Please share it this Wednesday on my new link up at I am sure it will get many hits there. This is a topic that I am very passionate about.
    God bless.

    1. Yes, happy to pop this up on your link :)) and thankyou.

  9. This is a great post...unfortunately it is very true. I see everywhere women becoming harsher and more manly and men just seem soft. I try my best to be feminine everyday and I enjoy being a submissive dependent wife who loves her husband and family. We need more feminine women and masculine men!


    The Radical One TWRA

    1. What makes it sadder for me is that most women can't see it or are in denial. Thankyou so much for visiting.

  10. These are excellent thoughts, Jo, thank you. I wonder if it's really that we're more harsh than we used to be or if it's just that it's more socially acceptable to be so. In the past couple weeks, I've read Silas Marner and Hard Times---both books were written mid-Victorian age---and both books featured women who were given over to drugs, drunkenness, and abandonment of their husbands. Those were definitely not shocking themes---those women existed as members of society. It's just that the behavior was looked down upon in those times where, today, those things are what define "having a good time" for many women. This is definitely an area I need to work on. I can be really sarcastic---and pass it off as being humorous. I can be really critical---and pass it off as "speaking the truth in love". Thanks for the encouraging article and for linking up at my homemaking party!


    1. I agree that in the past we had hard and harsh women - they often ran the traverns and looked after the seedy side of life. There are examples of these women in art such as during the Impressionist era when painting in brothals was quite popular. However, I think the numbers were small and as you say, their behaviour was looked down at (frowned upon) and considered uncouth and not ladylike. Sadly, this has become the norm and no-one is commenting about the changes that are happening and they are accepted as ‘norm”. Being feminine is just not “in” at the moment. And not absorbing this culture can be hard as one is exposed to it all the time.

      :) Have a wonderful weekend.

  11. Found your blog through "A Wise Woman Builds Her Home" link up. While not being a "hard" woman is a good thought, I really wanted to comment that your head picture of kitty, flower, chicken, and farm valley is so pretty!

    1. Thankyou for stopping by :) Glad you like the banner, I love country scenes having grown up on a farm .

  12. Thank you for this beautiful post. I agree with you. My desire since I got married 10 years ago, was to be a stay-at-home, homemaking, homeschooling mom and wife, which makes me sad is not the norm for women anymore. I prayed for women to guide me and encourage me in this, but I have never really found other women who wanted to or have lived this way. So I have been doing it on my own. I even wrote a poem called "Praying for a Titus 2 Women."
    I find encouragement in blogs like this. Thank you very much. Blessings to you.

    1. Thankyou for stopping by :)) I am glad you can at stay at home with your children and enjoy homeschooling and caring for your family. :)


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