Why some women dislike the tag "Lady"

Princess Grace
You would be hard press to find a modern woman who wants to be called a lady. 

As I mentioned in a blog post from a few weeks ago (LINK), being a lady is seen as weak and submissive in modern society and not strong and determine as woman want to be seen today. 

Last week I came across an article called "I dislike the tag lady" from a website called "Women's Agenda". 

When in business, I dislike the tag "lady" and people ask me why. Let me explain why I think it is inappropriate. When I think of the term "lady" I see someone dressed in a modest and feminine way, being demure and generally taking a second position. A lady is in my eyes is less likely to be the project leader, soccer player, truck driver, surgeon or barrister.  Now stop for a minute, close your eyes, and reflect on the vision that you have of a "lady". Can you visualise a "lady" being a business leader, driving a train, being an electrician, a brain surgeon or any one of a number of roles that are historically seen as the domain of men? Are they a "lady"? Does it really fit?

It is interested how this woman perceives the term lady and what one looks like (and I believe that most women would share her views on this): 

. . .  "I see someone dressed in a modest and feminine way, being demure and generally taking a second position".

And here lies the problem . . . being a lady doesn't mean weak or quiet. . . it doesn't mean she can be walked all over and be treated as a door-mat. She isn't dull or boring, she isn't old or wears old fashion clothing. 

. . . it is all about knowing how to behave in different environments.

Knowing when to be quiet, knowing when to help, knowing when to dress in a certain way, knowing the importances of being kind and compassionate, knowing how to speak to others without offending, not being loud and crude. Wouldn't it be wonderful to see more women in professional positions behaving like this, rather than trying to be "one of the blokes". 

“Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women.” – Nora Ephori

Australian born, Princess Mary of Denmark
My auntie Helen was a lady -  it wasn't just in the way she dressed, it also in the way she spoke, walked, ate, behaved towards others and conducted her business. She was also a university lecturer and a leader in her field. She traveled the world and a very learned woman. And regardless of whether she was out shopping or at work, this woman always remained a lady to the day she died. Being a lady, didn't mean that my aunt wasn't funny, didn't laugh and wasn't light-hearted. She was when it was appropriate. She knew the right time to laugh and the right time to be sober. She was well liked and had many friends, her ladylike behaviour didn't turn people away from her, I think it drew them to her. 

And on the flip side, I would love to see more gentlemen . . . sadly, when men behave gentlemenly towards women, they are often treated poorly and strongly attacked. I always thank a man if he treats me with respect and kindness as they need to know that there are some women who love a gentleman. 

*****

Comments

  1. The problem these days is that no one thinks about anyone except themselves unless they are insulting others. Really, it sounds harsh, but it is the underlying problem. SELF. And social media is not helping, as we all go out to make ourselves look more interesting, more knowledgeable and more beautiful than the person next to us. Comparisons are self-defeating. We always see ourselves as less than others. And this is often not true. How boring life would be if we all had the same strengths and weaknesses! We need to build others up, think of others, and model ourselves on Biblical teachings.
    love,
    Bets

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Being a lady means reaching out to others and when its all "about me", then being a lady is completely out of the question. And no lady competes with other ladies!! Lets start a movement and recruit biblical ladies :)) Have a wonderful day - cold but sunny here.

      Delete
  2. Very Inspiring !!!!!
    I would LOVE it if you would share this post on Wearing with Wisdom at kingmakerblog.com !!!!!
    The link-up party is available now and every Wednesday at 6am MST. Please join us and inspire other women to desire to be a lady . Blessings and thank you , leticia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thankyou for the invite and yes, I have linked this one and my first one about being a lady to your blog :))) I do hope I have inspired those women who are struggling. Blessings.

      Delete
  3. Thank you so much for sharing your Post at Wearing with Wisdom ! It's great to have the encouragement to be a Lady in a World that so often pushes other ideals . I hope that you will join us again next Wednesday and share another great post ! Keep up the good work !
    Leticia from KingMakerBlog.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I certainly will!! and thankyou :))

      Delete
    2. I was SO blessed by your Posts in the Link-Up party . Thanks for sharing . Looking forward to more this Wednesday .
      Leticia

      Delete
  4. Wow, those quotes from the "anti-lady" pusher are simply ugly and backward. It upsets me to see things like that written about women. It's really stupid to say that women would have to take "second position" just because they're a lady. Some of the most important women in the history of mankind have been/are ladies - what about our very modern Princess Kate? And those other Princesses you pictured in this post? I'm pretty sure Mary the mother of Jesus, and the Proverbs 31 woman were both ladies - very blessed ladies! And Queen Esther - a woman who made a MASSIVE difference in history - I'm *sure* she was a lady, too, not to mention Ruth, and other women of the Bible who changed the course of history! I think the writer of those quotes was mixing up two entirely different issues. Being a lady doesn't equal being a wall-flower or door-mat, it doesn't mean being dominated or beaten up by men... It doesn't mean having less abilities or disappearing in a crowd any more than anyone else! Being a lady doesn't mean giving up anything except everything that is ugly and unbecoming on a woman anyway!! I think being a lady is a choice wise women make intentionally and with purpose. And so maybe a lady doesn't play soccer, isn't a surgeon or truck driver - but so what? A lot of men don't do those things either, and a lot of "anti-lady" females don't play soccer, become surgeons or truck drivers. And maybe she would RATHER be something else anyway!?! I hate the loudness and bawdy behaviour of women these days... it's just ugly and unbecoming and aggravating! :/ I think the writer is both ignorant and selfish.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have had some wonderful ladies through out history who have done extraordinary things - Ruth is a great example of a lady, and likewise the lady of Proverbs 31 (who her husband looked up to). Of course a lady doesn't only mean a woman of wealth - many ordinary ladies served the nation through war (and still remained ladylike) and for nothing in return. I always thought the previous Governor General of Australia (Quentin Bryce) was a lovely example of lady in both dress and manner. Women no longer want to be seen as ladies in case they are laughed and ridiculed by others, unless you are someone of importances and no one would laugh at Princess Mary or the Duchess of Cambridge for being ladies.

      Delete
  5. I love this, someone once told me that my mother was very lady like. My mother works hard, in an field dominated by men. So buys and manages rental properties, and as such she can often be found installing new plumbing or flooring. Most times when she comes home from work she has paint (or mud) in her hair from whatever project she was working on.
    But when she is in public she knows how to behave, how to speak, and how to dress. Most people, that don't know my mother well, would never know how she makes her living. To me, she is the definition of a lady. She can make it in a mans world while still maintaining her grace and composure. There is no reason to be loud and bawdy to succeed, often times this just turns people off. You can work hard and still behave like a lady, and doing so does not mean that you are a will flower or taking second place. Most people are drawn to those that are ladies because they are not offensive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your mother seems to be able to separate her work and her personal life - All women can be ladies if they want to be. I went to school with a lady who also works in a male dominated world and she still manages to dress femininely with pretty colours and the men have accepted her and treat her like a lady because of the way she dresses and presents herself.

      Delete
  6. totally agree with you...glad you posted on Home Making Mondays

    ReplyDelete
  7. So well said, thank you. It's sad that somewhere along the way we've equated being a lady with being weak - the opposite is true. I'm sharing this with my daughter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree - a lady is anything but weak - we are strong women (which isn't the same as being "blokey" which is certainly not ladylike). :) have a wonderful day.

      Delete
  8. I cherish the title lady. If you act like a lady others will treat you that way. Good post. Visiting from Strangers and Pilgrims.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So do I and I agree, men will treat you with so much more respect if you behave like a lady :) Have a wonderful weekend.

      Delete
  9. Great post and I particularly like this quote:
    "Knowing when to be quiet, knowing when to help, knowing when to dress in a certain way, knowing the importance of being kind and compassionate, knowing how to speak to others without offending, not being loud and crude. Wouldn't it be wonderful to see more women in professional positions behaving like this, rather than trying to be "one of the blokes".
    Definitely says it all. Thanks for sharing at Good Morning Mondays. Blessings

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank Terri - have a wonderful weekend and no, I won't be one of the blokes!!!

      Delete
  10. A Lady isn't what you do. It is who you are. Despite circumstances, weather, poverty, wealth, health, position, title or your job. The woman you quoted hates women and thinks they are worthless unless acting like I'll mannered men. No Lady was ever in second position. She was esteemed as precious and protected as such. These fools can't get to the Lady through her protection and must attempt to call her away from it. Like a wolf convincing sheep the grass is
    Greener away from the Shepherd and right next to him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very powerful words, Carrie! I agree with you wholeheartedly!!

      Delete
    2. I agree completely :))) Often in times gone by, a poor woman acted more ladylike than a wealthy woman who had everything :)) Jane Austen gives a plenty of examples of that. Thankyou Carrie :))

      Delete
  11. You can definitely be a lady without being submissive. They don't have to go hand in hand. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts at the #SMallVictoriesSundayLinkup!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Art Wednesday: Thomas Kinkade

Art Wednesday: Books and reading

New Years Resolutions

K is for kitchens

Art Wednesday: Changing seasons

L is for like