Do not commit adultery.

(James 2:11)

Back in mid 2012 I wrote the following blog post about adultery and mentioned the very successful Ashely Madison company. Of those who read that blog post, Ashely Madison (who has the bi-line "Life is short. Have an affair") the name probably meant very little to you. It should now. Hackers released the names and emails of 33 million, yes, 33 million and whilst some are bogus and have never used the services of Ashely Madison — many many have. One, of course, was a member of the TV celebrity family, Josh Duggar, a man who should have known that this was an evil and deadly site. But this blog post isn't about Josh Duggar in particular — it about the millions of men and women just like him having affairs and think it was acceptable, it is ok and that it won't hurt anyone (if they don't get caught). 

As for Christians like Josh Duggar, thinking they can get away with adultery, yes, they might from their spouses and family, but they can NEVER hide it from the Lord. There is no shortage of Bible verses about the evils of adultery and even more on sexual immortality — the Bible is our life's manual and it is clear to stay away from adultery and I am always staggered at Christians who fall into this pit and commit adultery often for years on end but still put on a very public face as the "family man". I have just been reading about Joseph in Genesis 39 who went to prison because he said no to an affair with his bosses wife —we need many more Joseph's in this world who are strong and understand the wickedness and sinfulness of adultery. 

Now Joseph was handsome in form and appearance.  And it came to pass after these things that his master’s wife cast longing eyes on Joseph, and she said, “Lie with me.” But he refused and said to his master’s wife, “Look, my master does not know what is with me in the house, and he has committed all that he has to my hand. There is no one greater in this house than I, nor has he kept back anything from me but you, because you are his wife. How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?”


Affairs - no, I am not having one and have no desire to have one. But I have worked with married men who have had affairs with women.   I often wonder what their wives know and how I would feel if I knew my husband was having an affair.  On particular man I knew was having several affairs one after the other and I knew when he went out at lunchtime what he was up to.  And to make it worse, his wife would call and I had to say that he wasn't in the office. I found it all very very sad, especially considering they had a young child, a little girl. How can people treat those they confess to love in such a way. How can they lead double lives so successful. 

A liaison outside marriage is harmless - even healthy - has become so widely accepted there's a website devoted to facilitating adulterous liaisons.  In Australia alone, more than 400,000 people are actively seeking affairs online. They are paid-up members of infidelity dating website Ashley Madison.  Ashley Madison has become so successful its Canadian owner believes it will soon become the world's most popular dating website. (source - Sydney Morning Herald

To think that 400,000 Australians have made a decision to paid money to join an on-line dating agency that encourages married men and women to have an affair is very sad.  They have actively decided to have an affair. This is how acceptable affairs have become. (since the hacking, Australians have appeared as big uses of the service)

There is nothing good or fun about affairs - at all. In fact it is very clear in the Bible - do not commit adultery


Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous (Hebrew 13:4)

So why have we seen over the years a trail of high-profile Christian leaders being caught having affairs (which now includes TV celebrity Josh Duggar)? What this website is doing is encouraging married men and women to commit adultery and say that it is OK to do - its fine, no one gets hurt.  It isn't.  No thought is given to the spouse who knows nothing of what is happening. Or the children who will be become the innocent victims. Does the agency feel any guilt when these affairs lead to divorce, custody battles and result in the long term traumatisation of the children. No, of course not. 

The website's founder and chief executive, Noel Biderman, says he isn't out to encourage affairs, he's just providing a safe environment to those who have already decided they want one. . . . Since its launch in 2002, Ashley Madison has attracted more than 15 million members in 25 countries. A new person is said to join every six seconds. 

But what I find interesting, according to the Bible, adultery isn't only about having sex with someone, it also includes looking lustfully at a woman (or man) who is not your husband or wife - that too is committing adultery . . . That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart(Matthew 5:28).  Anyone reading or looking at porn is falling into this category (including all those women reading "50 Shades of Grey") or anyone going crazy over an actor or singer (how many young teenagers do that these days).  Women are flocking to see a new movie called "Magic Mick" (they have since made Magic Mick two as it was so popular), why, because it contains naked men in a strip tease scene - these women want to look lustfully at the naked men. Deliberately going just for that scene. What does that say about today's woman? And our men? That looking lustfully at someone or committing adultery is now ok and almost main stream. 

But whoso committeth adultery with
a woman lacketh understanding:
he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. 

Proverbs 6:23


  1. With the divorce and remarriage rate high in our society, even amongst Christians, one aspect of adultery you didn't mention is what Jesus said about it in Matthew 5:32, "...everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
    God has always placed great importance on marriage - we see that from Genesis and the theme is carried all the way through the Old Testament into the New Testament. In Malachi 2:16 God says that he hates divorce, and in Ephesians 5:22-33 Paul says that marriage "refers to Christ and the church."
    We should also place a high value on our marriages, and enter into them, not with todays attitude of if it doesn't work out then I can get a divorce, and then possibly remarry, but rather ensuring that we work hard to keep our marriages intact. It is only with the Lord's help we can do this since both partners in a marriage are (hopefully) saved sinners. As believers we need to encourage one another and pray for each other in this area since marriage is an area that Satan attacks.


    1. I agree that we take marriage so lightly, I am often amazed at the amount of money people spend to get married and so much energy organising the big day (sometimes several years) . . . but from that point on, nothing quite matches that flurry. They seem to not think the same energy is needed every day to keep the marriage on the straight and narrow plus the importances of keeping the marriage fresh and fun too. Yes, we do need to pray for others in regards to their marriage and for our own too.

  2. This is so sad. Satan surely loves destroying marriage - one way or another. This should make us work very hard to make sure our marriages are founded on Christ, that our relationship with our spouse is founded on God's Word and lived in obedience to Him, and that we constantly work at making our marriages work. And it DOES take work - and very importantly, faithfulness! We need to encourage one another and pray for one another and each marriage relationship without ceasing.

    1. Marriage is constant work and if you stop focusing on it for a moment, things can turn bad quickly. I think one of the biggest problems with modern marriages is that it is about "ME" and about "my happiness" rather than thinking about one's spouse and their happiness - husband to the wife and wife to the husband. And if I am not satisfied, I just look else where or go off and have an affair and have some fun. Women don’t like to do things that please their husbands as see this as old fashion and husbands are often too busy to spend too much time with their families.

      However, it is important to acknowledge that there are some terrible marriages that are very unsafe for women and their children to remain in and I strongly believe in them getting out and finding help. I would never judge these women when it comes to divorce. Their lives and those of their children must come first.

  3. Good morning Jo. This is such an ugly topic... But needs to be spoken about. When I first married many years ago, BOTH of my close girlfriends (from the church!!!) committed adultery. My head still reels at this!!! The heartbreak that followed for the spouses and their loved one's can not be described... It all boils down to a lack of God fearing folk in my opinion... Sometimes it is that simple.

    Thank you for sharing on the Art of Home-Making Mondays each week!

    1. Hi Jess - good to hear from you again!! I have never understood why men or women who have affairs think it is harmless and that it won't hurt anyone (or they will get caught) - it really does baffle me.

  4. When I was in highschool, my mom had an affair with our parish priest. (I'm Catholic. Our pastors take a vow of celibacy). Needless to say, this caused a ripple effect not just within my family, but my whole church community. Parish members took sides; some people even left the church because the idea of their own priest ignoring a solemn vow was enough to shake their faith. (For Catholics, a vow of celibacy is equal to a marriage vow).

    So all these people thinking "no one will know" or "this will just affect me and my spouse" are so so wrong. An affair hurts one's whole community. My mom's affair was 16 years ago and her reputation is still affected!

    1. Thankyou for sharing your story as it really does illustrate the long term affect it has on others and as you say - more than just the family.


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