Nagging wives


As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been watching House Hunter (USA). For those who might have missed that post — potential buyers (from all over the US) look at three homes with their real-estate agent to find the home of their dreams. At the end of the programme, they have to decide which one to buy.

One of the things that really jumped out when my husband and I were watching the programme was how the wives (or girlfriends) treated their husbands. Many were very forceful about their WANTS and NEEDS (which was often a very long list of things) and whenever the poor husband tried to provide "his list of wants" in a house (or being practical about costs and options), so many were overridden by their wives. Their wives were very dominating.

Most of the wives got what they wanted, the husband weren't always so fortunate.  And if the wife didn't quite get what she wanted i.e. in the kitchen — she was quite blunt in telling her husband that the "kitchen would need to be ripped out ASAP and a new one built" (as she couldn't possibly work in that kitchen). It was sad to see that none said that they could live in the house and wait for any renovations to be done, it all had to be done NOW. The in-ability to have patiences or be willing to lower their standards was noticeable.

I hope some of them revisit this programme and see what they looked like on TV.

So many wives are bossy, nagging and pushy and men hate it. I know my husband does and I have learnt to keep my mouth shut (I'm far from perfect, but I do try hard). Women seem to struggle to understand that they cannot have everything they want and we need to learn to compromise. Yes, it is ok when looking for a new house or upgrading the kitchen for example to express our views but it isn't ok to hit our husbands over the head endless about what WE want and taking nothing into account about what he might want or the size of the budget. Nor is it ok to always want the "very best" and not willing to buy something perhaps less fashionable or new so it fits within the finances more comfortably.  Working in an outdated kitchen does not alter the taste of the food!

A marriage is about give and take, about being concerned about our spouses needs  — it isn't about ME and I think this is one of the most fundamental problems in modern marriages, people do not understand that in a marriage it is all about our spouse and not all about myself. 



I sometimes think that we need to hear ourselves in a recording to wake up and realise what we sound like. Nagging or demanding isn't a pretty sight to hear. Many women will say they do not nag because they don't realise what they are doing — they think they are just passing their opinion or "being" helping, or reminding their husband to do something. Instead they are being dominating, controlling and very bossy. Of course, women are very good at non-verbal "nagging" too, with painful looks or hands on hips if they are not heard by their husbands.

Nagging isn't feminine, gentle or meek — instead it comes across as harsh and unpleasant and there are many names given to women who nag— none are nice. Just check out the bible verses about nagging and they certain get straight to the point.

Does it matter if we don't get what we want? Women behave as if the world will fall apart if they do not get the granite bench tops they demand, of course, life goes on and it really doesn't matter in the scheme of things. Women nag their husbands over many things in particular helping around the house and we often don't realise that our nagging has quite the opposite effect. Our husbands are probably far less likely to help or listen when we nag.



We need to learn to be able to step back and be willing to give up our wants to prevent disharmony and arguments — someone needs to make the final decision and as wive submitting to our husbands, we need to learn to do this. Of course most husbands will take their wives requirements into consideration, but sometimes we can't have everything and we need to realise that the world will not cave in if this happens.

We need to be wise women building up our homes and not the foolish ones tearing it down (Proverbs 14:1). Sadly too many are being foolish and destroying their homes rather than realising that giving up on a few things makes for a much better life all round. 


“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold 
In settings of silver.”
(Proverbs 25:11).

*****

Comments

  1. Good reminder, Jo! And yes, a recording of how we speak to our husbands would probably be good - and embarrassing! =)
    love,
    Bets

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have done it by accident and it was just horrible - I sounded terrible and it was so embarrassing (just to me as no one else hear it). Its one of those topics that women do not want to talk about but we all do it, some worse than others.

      Delete
  2. Wonderful! I love what I read. Wonderful post. This is a great reminder. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thankyou :))

      I often wonder why some posts get lost of comments and some get very few - this one has had very few, is it because we all think we don't nag!!!!

      Delete
  3. I know I nag at times - I would be a liar if I said I didn't! And I know it's not a nice sound. It's easy to feel like we're in the right when we want things done in a certain way or when we feel like things aren't getting done that should be done (or whatever the situation is)... But you are right: a gentle, meek spirit and attitude is far more pleasant for everyone concerned and a far better example for our children. I, too, try to not nag, but I know I fail at times and then I have to get up, ask forgiveness and start trying all over again - with the Lord's help! Excellent post and such a shame that it appears like most of your readers either didn't read it or didn't comment. Perhaps they were too embarrassed to make a comment. Well, there's nothing like honesty to make us try to do better. I nag sometimes, and I must stop! And yes, a recording would probably horrify me! (Maybe that would shock me out of ever doing it again!!!!!!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Recordings really do shock you and very embarrassing :( Mothers yelling at their children in public can also sound terrible.

      I find it interesting which posts get the most comments and which don't and I was surprise this didn't get more - may be you are right, to close to home.

      Delete

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