Working mothers love their children too

I love my children and would travel to the moon and back for them — and they know this.  They know my love is endless and that I would drop anything to be at their side. I have done this many times and will do it again until the day I die or incapable of doing so.

Working mothers love their children just as much as mothers who stay home. Just because some women work does not reduce their love for their children, it never has and it never will. 

Of course there are mothers who struggle with loving their children but this has NOTHING to do with working, they have other much more complex issues going on. 

It saddens me greatly that there are Christian women who believe this and spread the message that only women who are at home 24/7 can truely love their children. 

Have you ever wondered if mothers of the past were with their children 24/7? The answer is no — rich women had nannies and had far less real contact with their children than modern mothers. Young boys were send to boarding school from a very early age and many hardly ever saw their parents and this did affect some quite considerably. In poor families, children were often looked after by older siblings because mother had to work (in the Victorian era onwards) or earlier times (before formalised work) she work on the farm or ran home based cottage industries to make enough money for the family. Children of the past were looked after by many different people and they grew up fast, they really didn't have a choice.  And don't forget the life expectancy of mothers wasn't very high and many young children grew up with no mothers  at all (like my parents). Most poor to middle class children went to school and those in rural areas had time off to attend to the farm — children grew up tough, it is only in recent years have we soften our approach to childhood and extended childhood far beyond only a few generations ago. My father by the age of 12 was expected to work as hard as the adult men — and that meant heavy lifting and lots of manual farm work. 

It isn't about the amount of a time mother spends with her children — it is the quality of time that is far more important. 

The bible doesn't talk about women working — why, because when Paul was writing there was no formalised work, even for men—certainly not as we think of it today. Women did work in home based industries and on the land — they worked along side their husbands and I wouldn't be surprised if the children were also working along side as well.  The women who didn't work in any form (even in their own homes) were the rich and it was to these women that Paul told them to stop their idle chatter and gossiping and get back home and do something. 

Lets watch over our families with love and do the very best we can and stop judging other women — remember "Everyone has a different story".


Working mothers have been burned by judgment of others who did not care to understand their individual situations. They have been told that they are damaging their children by leaving them in childcare and that they are missing precious moments of their children’s lives. They have lived in guilt and fear. Worst of all, Christians have stood by and let this happen, sometimes partaking in the criticism themselves. . . . . At the end of the day, working mom or not, we all are going to fall short of perfection in our lives because we are simply human. This is why God gives us His incredible grace,” (Marrazzo)


Comments

  1. Really great post!
    Sometimes, the things I read in my bloglist sadden me b/c of this idea.
    I am right now a stay at home mom (who homeschools)but if Dh's health fails,
    then I will have to go to work. Ds may have to go to public school.

    There is a very real possibility of this happening, as Dh has polycystic
    kidney disease and glaucoma. Yeah, I've got lots hanging over my head some days.
    Right now he's fine and working full time, but we go this next week to Mayo for
    a transplant evaluation. The day is coming, changes will happen whatever they
    may be, but God has it under control and it will be all right.

    And yes, I will love our son the same even if I do work.
    Thank you for this article!

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    1. God is always looking after you and watching over your little family - if He wants you to work, he will make it happen. I posted a really good quote on my Facebook page today that you might like. If God can part the sea, I think He can look after you just fine!!!

      https://www.facebook.com/joyintheeveryday/photos/a.509617195828516.1073741828.509612819162287/954890357967862/?type=3&theater

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  2. You are absolutely right. My mother loved me no less because she worked. I work at home homeschooling my kids and am thankful that I can do so. I do not know how working moms do it all, but I do know that mamas love their children regardless of where they work.

    Be blessed!
    Laura of Harvest Lane Cottage

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    1. My mother worked as a teacher and she was amazing - we had the home cooked meals, clean home, much loved and cared for. She did an excellent job and she has been my role model in my adult life. Not all working mums cope often because they have too much going on - but with the right balance and organisation skills it works for most women and we all still adore our children :))

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  3. It is hard to be a mother, always being told your children are missing out if you work, I have done it both ways ands my two are very both happy and healthy .
    Merle............

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    1. I have two very well rounded adult children that did not suffer at all from my working - they are lovely boys and I love them to bits. Other people should mind their own business.

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  4. This unfortunately is nothing new. It was said when I raised my daughters. At times I was lucky and got to stay at home other times though I worked. I loved them just as much. Great post!

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    1. I asked my children (now adults) if they minded me working and they said no, in fact my eldest said I was his role model for hard work and determination. I am very proud of my boys and know that I am always there for them.

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  5. I really appreciate this post. And you are dead right about what causes a mother to struggle to love her children - those are issues regardless if she works outside or not.

    I have a question - and genuine. This is partly from my own life story and partly what I believe. But, I know I could be wrong. So I like hearing from mothers from all walks of life so I can have a deeper understanding of people {and of my own beliefs}.

    The question is on a divided heart. Any mother, regardless of if she is home or not, will struggle with being pulled in different directions. My question is are working mothers more likely to have a divided heart and how this might effect her family?

    Women from old *mostly* worked outside the home to help support and provide for the family. Work was *generally* close to home and there was extended family to care for the kids, if they couldn't come along. After the Industrial Revolution, slowly working trends changed to women choosing work for personal desires {rather than necessity}. Because this is the prominent reason in Western culture, institutions are what look after and raise the children.

    I know what it's like to be brought up with a mother who chose work {for passion and skill} and, even though it was part-time, it still created a divide between her and us. My brother and I have been deeply affected by this.

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    1. My mother worked as i was growing up and never once did I feel any divide or lack of love or attention. She worked as a school teacher, it wasn't her passion - it was a job (but she was good at) it was to pay the bills and help my father) - her priorities were always here family and that she showed through her home cooked meals, the clothes she made for me, all the knitting she did for all of us, the entertaining of extended family etc.. I always knew where her heart was.

      I work to also help my family and whilst I love my job and good at it, my family always comes first so if i need time off because of them, I take it. My children know this and know that I am always contactable and able to take their calls (they are both are adults and one is married). My heart will always be with my family no matter my age or what I do.

      I do wonder what happened between your mother and you to create this divide - was she far more interested in work than you, did it take up too much of her time and focus? Did she bring work home?

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    2. Yes, work to her was her meaning. We were a burden in that way, and we felt it, though I doubt that she ever intended that. And I guess that is why I never will work unless I have to, because I know my own limitations and that my family would suffer. And, having worked in daycare centres and had our son in one for a little, I just know that - for us - home with me is best. We are not wealthy, and we go without many things. But we're blessed to be able to have me home. I know though that, if I had to, grace would cover our family and God would help me. I guess, from my family experience, I am an advocate for mother's being at home if possible, because I know what it can be like from a child's point-of-view when the purpose for working is about self and not necessity. Do you understand what I mean? But, if there are mother's who can do so without compromising their home life, then there would be no issue. I'm envious of them in some ways, I am so weak compared to them!

      Thanks for the dialogue!

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    3. Oh, and I also think it is different when children are grown and adults. That is a different season. I'm in the season of littles and know the need they have for a mother, her time, her guidance and correction etc. When my kids are grown, I want to be a Plunket nurse - which in New Zealand - is a community nurse that follows a child from birth to school age, helping the mother etc.

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    4. Sarah - my mother may have worked but it wasn't her life and we always knew we were more important to her. And whilst I work and love my job, I always leave by 4pm and home by 4:30pm, I never work overtime or take work home, nor do I go in on weekends to do work. It isn't my life and I think that is very important for any woman that does work - know where her priorities are.

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  6. Thank you so much for this post. I really needed it today. I have been hammered into guilty living by a blogger that you have listed to the right (which I'm surprised you have on your blog roll since she condemns working moms so fervently! And for some reason I keep reading! Ha!). And the FEAR that has been laid upon me that my child is going to turn out a disaster if I don't stay home with her AND home school her is absolutely paralyzing. Where does this thinking come from? My mom worked and I went to public schools and I am a kind, God-fearing citizen. I have NEVER questioned her love for me!! This blogger also swears that working moms don't cook healthy dinners and are always doing fast food. I have a SAHM friend who is home all day yet they go out to eat most nights! And I work all day and come home and make a healthy dinner. And I love my daughter like crazy even though I can't be with her during the day! I wish I could, believe me. Life is just not black and white. I've just about had it with the judgments and assumptions and fear-based living. So, again--as I step down from my soap box--thank you. :)

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    1. Dear Anonymous,

      I have had the same comments from the same blogger who thinks I can’t possibly do what I do and still be able to cook home cooked meals, keep my home in order and love my husband and children. Of course we can if we have too – women are not weak or feeble, we are strong and resilient and very capable of doing taking care of our families and work if that is God’s plan. If God has planned your life and it includes work, then He will give you all the strength you need. These women really don’t get it and don’t seem to accept that God has not given us all the same stories as they have. Women are not clones all doing the same – we have been made uniquely and with our own special skills and abilities.

      I had a working mother who was the best role model, who loved us, cared for us and we never felt neglected or alone ever. Keep up your good works and don’t listen to women who are not caring or supportive as they will only cause grief, guilt and pull you down.

      My son gave me a birthday card yesterday – he is almost 24 and still lives at home – he said I was the best mum in the world and he loved me heaps – that’s all we ever need to hear.

      PS I read blogs that are not supportive of working Christian mothers so I can better understand how others think – and hopefully I can create a more balanced picture on my blog.

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  7. I want to thank you also for this very compassionate post. I am a working mother, and if my circumstances were different, I would stay at home. But I cannot now. I too have read bloggers that are very judgmental, believing that what God has given them, He as given everyone in equal measures. So, I like what you said: "If God has planned your life and it includes work, then He will give you all the strength you need."

    My father died when I was nine, and my mother was forced into the work force. This is a woman who prepared her entire life to be a SAHM, and she was very talented at cooking, crafting, sewing, decorating, etc. But her life changed quickly, and she was called to a new type of work. It broke her heart, both losing my father and entering an often not-easy world of work outside the home. But she persevered, and for that I am grateful and will always remember.

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    1. I would love to work part-time but that isn't possible at present and I accept that as something God has decided. Your poor mother, I can imagine how tough it must have been for her but women do pull through and when faced with these issues they can really get their act together and do what is required. The bible might refer to women as the weaker sex, but that doesn't mean we aren't strong emotionally.

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  8. This is a tough topic. I think it is especially hard for those of us perfectionists who find ways to feel guilty no matter what we do and fear that somehow we are ruining our children by whatever we are not doing. I am currently a SAHM and wonder if I shouldn't be doing more to help provide for our family while finances are tight. Thanks for posting this. It helps me to remember my calling,and that whatever God leads me to do, I must do it willingly and without fear.

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    1. I think that is the point - do whatever God asks of us and that could be at home or working part-time or full-time or a mix of all through our lives. We must accept God's plan for us regardless of our own feelings and do without complaining. Some say working mothers must pray to return home, but what happens if that isn't God's will. I do whatever is required joyful and with happiness.

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  9. In fact, never have women been more at Home then nowadays. Women worked the land alongside their Husbands - she in the Gardens he in the fields. But come Harvest time it all changed then it was every capable Person get on the Field and harvest. The children were brought along.

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    1. I agree - and nor have children been children for so long. My dad was 12 when he was sent out to work on the farm and his childhood was over. Women worked hard and it was only in the evenings did they have time for arts and crafts such as quilt making etc...

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  10. Some women stay home all the time, but they are off in their own world emotionally, or online all the time, or watching TV or whatever their appetite is -- they are no more there for their children than women who work. There's a lot involved in this subject and none of it should involve judging others - it is between each woman and God (and her husband) and not anyone else's business.

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    1. I know women who put their children into childcare while they are at home so they can have free time. Spend a little time watching TV or reading magazines and spend very little time with the children. And you see them at the park with him mobile phones. However I know lots of great mums and also work at have found the right balance and the kids are turned out beautifully. You're right this is between mom and dad and God.

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