Do not bad mouth your spouse in public
She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. (Proverbs 31:26)
One must always be very careful when writing on social media, especially if you have identified yourself.
Bloggers love comments, I do — but we need to be mindful of what we write. Some people write personal things and that is fine if you are writing about yourself and your experiences.
However, one needs to be very care when you start to write about your husband or wife. Many write beautiful comments, very complimentary comments about their spouse and they are lovely to read. However, it is a very different story when you start to write negative comments about your spouse, especially when you can be identified. However, regardless of identification—it is still wrong.
Earl from xxxxx (last name and address were also provided) rated his wife on a Facebook page. He gave her an A for 'shopping and preparing food" and for "having a beautiful home". But raised questions about her ability to "bear and raise children" and to "satisfy sexual desires". I felt very sad for Earl's wife when I read this and wondered how she would feel if she knew. I have read some very disturbing comments on blogs, things that verge on emotional and physical abuse—especially when it comes to "disciplining wives". I find it heartbreaking for the women involved, as sadly, it is mostly men writing the negative comments about their wives and I wonder if their wives know about these comments. 😟 Some paint terrible pictures of their "rebellious" wives who won't do as they expect and then share examples of what their wives get up to.
Do not air your dirty laundry in public.
If someone has a problem with their marriage, publicly discussing it on a blog, Facebook or any other social media is not appropriate. It is no different to standing on a street corner and yelling out to complete strangers how terrible your husband or wife is. If you wouldn't do that, DON'T do it on social media. However, social media is even worse, once write, it can shared, distributed and published in other formats without the authors consent.
What we say needs to be measured, it needs to be kind and it should not betray the confidence of someone else.
Wives should think long and hard about whether what they are saying to their husbands and about their husbands in public or in private is honouring or respecting their husbands “Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects [or reveres] her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33). Are the words spoken this way in this time in this place a respectful behaviour? Similarly, husbands should think long and hard whether what they are saying about their wives in private or in public honours them as a fellow heir of the grace of life the way Peter says in 1 Peter 3:7 (Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.).
Don’t speak ill about you husband or wife to strangers: Whether that be at the hairdressers or online in social media. People will not offer you any help on how to fix your marriage, they will just get fodder for gossip. Once written in social media, it can be share and distributed or even published and your partner may be unaware of this. You are destroying their name and character.
Don’t speak ill about you husband to male friends – and don’t entertain men or women talking ill about their spouses either: This is not only wrong but also dangerous. Having a male friend who you tell about your husband’s shortcomings is a disaster waiting to happen. One of these days in a weak moment when your husband has angered you and your friend offers you a shoulder to lean, the friend zone line will get blurry and one of you will cross it. And that, my dear, is how affairs start.
Don’t speak ill of your husband (or wife) to your family: Your family will never look at your husband (or wife) the same way again. Words are powerful and once said, they cannot be unsaid and your bad light on your spouse can not be reversed. You are destroying their character. Even if you forgive your spouse and go back to loving him, your family will always see him as a bad guy. Why? Because they love you and want the best for you.
So, who do you talk to?
- A close girlfriend who is also married – a lady who has a solid marriage and christian foundation. An older woman would be perfect if you know one that you can trust and confide in.
- She should be sober minded – sharing your marriage should not be gossip, the encounter should be helpful. Get someone who offers you a listening ear but also give good advice; not afraid to call you out when something is your fault.
- A friend who will pray for and with you – you need someone who when she says she’ll pray for you, she does.
- She should be able to keep a secret – majority of the things you share will be so personal it would kill you if you had them somewhere else.
As a blogger, if you read comments that are negative towards a spouse, delete and respond to the person who posted the comment and tell them why. If you read comments on other people blogs/Facebook, say something, point out how disrespectful it is—how unbiblical it is. Perhaps mention it to the blog-owner how it makes you feel. I find some quite upsetting.
As an older woman — build up your husbands, don't tear them down. Share their positive points, find reason to compliment them to others. Be a builder and if you have nothing nice to say in public — SAY NOTHING.
Let all that you do be done with love.
(1 Corinthians 16:14)
*Thanks to Wanjiru Kihusa, marriage blogger from Kenya for the ideas in the dot points on who not to speak to in regards to your marriage.