Do not bad mouth your spouse in public

She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. (Proverbs 31:26)


One must always be very careful when writing on social media, especially if you have identified yourself. 

Bloggers love comments, I do — but we need to be mindful of what we write. Some people write personal things and that is fine if you are writing about yourself and your experiences. 

However, one needs to be very care when you start to write about your husband or wife. Many write beautiful comments, very complimentary comments about their spouse and they are lovely to read. However, it is a very different story when you start to write negative comments about your spouse, especially when you can be identified. However, regardless of identification—it is still wrong.

Earl from xxxxx (last name and address were also provided) rated his wife on a Facebook page. He gave her an A for 'shopping and preparing food" and for "having a beautiful home". But raised questions about her ability to "bear and raise children" and to "satisfy sexual desires". I felt very sad for Earl's wife when I read this and wondered how she would feel if she knew. I have read some very disturbing comments on blogs, things that verge on emotional and physical abuse—especially when it comes to "disciplining wives". I find it heartbreaking for the women involved, as sadly, it is mostly men writing the negative comments about their wives and I wonder if their wives know about these comments. 😟 Some paint terrible pictures of their "rebellious" wives who won't do as they expect and then share examples of what their wives get up to.

Do not air your dirty laundry in public. 

If someone has a problem with their marriage, publicly discussing it on a blog, Facebook or any other social media is not appropriate.  It is no different to standing on a street corner and yelling out to complete strangers how terrible your husband or wife is. If you wouldn't do that, DON'T do it on social media. However, social media is even worse, once write, it can shared, distributed and published in other formats without the authors consent. 

What we say needs to be measured, it needs to be kind and it should not betray the confidence of someone else. 

Wives should think long and hard about whether what they are saying to their husbands and about their husbands in public or in private is honouring or respecting their husbands  “Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects [or reveres] her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33). Are the words spoken this way in this time in this place a respectful behaviour? Similarly, husbands should think long and hard whether what they are saying about their wives in private or in public honours them as a fellow heir of the grace of life the way Peter says in 1 Peter 3:7 (Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.)

In summary*:


Don’t speak ill about you husband or wife to strangers: Whether that be at the hairdressers or online in social media. People will not offer you any help on how to fix your marriage, they will just get fodder for gossip. Once written in social media, it can be share and distributed or even published and your partner may be unaware of this. You are destroying their name and character.  

Don’t speak ill about you husband to male friends – and don’t entertain men or women talking ill about their spouses either: This is not only wrong but also dangerous. Having a male friend who you tell about your husband’s shortcomings is a disaster waiting to happen. One of these days in a weak moment when your husband has angered you and your friend offers you a shoulder to lean, the friend zone line will get blurry and one of you will cross it. And that, my dear, is how affairs start.

Don’t speak ill of your husband (or wife) to your family: Your family will never look at your husband (or wife) the same way again.  Words are powerful and once said, they cannot be unsaid and your bad light on your spouse can not be reversed. You are destroying their character. Even if you forgive your spouse and go back to loving him, your family will always see him as a bad guy. Why? Because they love you and want the best for you. 

So, who do you talk to?
  • A close girlfriend who is also married – a lady who has a solid marriage and christian foundation. An older woman would be perfect if you know one that you can trust and confide in. 
  • She should be sober minded – sharing your marriage should not be gossip, the encounter should be helpful. Get someone who offers you a listening ear but also give good advice; not afraid to call you out when something is your fault.
  • A friend who will pray for and with you – you need someone who when she says she’ll pray for you, she does.
  • She should be able to keep a secret – majority of the things you share will be so personal it would kill you if you had them somewhere else.

As a blogger, if you read comments that are negative towards a spouse, delete and respond to the person who posted the comment and tell them why. If you read comments on other people blogs/Facebook, say something, point out how disrespectful it is—how unbiblical it is. Perhaps mention it to the blog-owner how it makes you feel. I find some quite upsetting.

As an older woman — build up your husbands, don't tear them down. Share their positive points, find reason to compliment them to others. Be a builder and if you have nothing nice to say in public — SAY NOTHING.

Let all that you do be done with love.

(1 Corinthians 16:14)


*Thanks to Wanjiru Kihusa, marriage blogger from Kenya for the ideas in the dot points on who not to speak to in regards to your marriage. 


Comments

  1. Very good words of advice. I've heard spouses putting down their mates in public and it always makes me feel uncomfortable and sorry for them both.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I very uncomfortable like you as the other part has no opportunity to defend themselves in any way - its is so unChristian too. As my mother use to say "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing" !!

      Delete
  2. So very true! Wonderful post :)


    I hope you will consider joining in the 2017 PenPal Sign-ups on my blog:

    http://collettaskitchensink.blogspot.com/2016/11/2017-penpal-sign-ups-ends-121916.html

    Colletta

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thankyou so much :)

      I haven't had a penpal in so many years - I use to as a teen and loved writing letters to people all over the world!! I will go check out your blog!

      Delete
  3. I have made comments, mostly jokingly about hubs being cranky, Thanks to your kind reminders, will not do so anymore, shame on me.Thanks for reminding me.
    Have wonderful week

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I remember many years ago when someone I worked with told me to be careful about what I said about my husband, firstly because it came across as whinging and not very nice to listen to and secondly it wasn't very nice for my husband who couldn't not respond. I suppose, if we wouldn't want it done to us, don't do it to them :)

      Delete
  4. thank you very much! and I need an advice...how can I live after my husband told other people a lot of bad things about me... even if those things are lies

    gratefully, Michelle

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    Replies
    1. Michelle - this is a really difficult thing as you are probably very hurt by his words to others and it can dent ones confidences and cause much distress. Are you and your husband together still or are your separated? Are you a Christian?

      If the answer is yes to the last question - praying is my first advice as God can work wonders that seems beyond our powers. Lean on Him and He will give you the strength you need to get through this - as you will get through it, we all do in the end, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

      If you are still together and the marriage is mending, then talking about what he has done in a calm way, explaining how much hurt he has done and work out a way to fix this issue i.e. your husband telling others what he has done.

      However, if your marriage is in a bad way and you can’t talk about it with him, talk with those that are your friends and know what has happened - friends build up each other and really strengthen us when we are down. Sadly, once words are spoken they cannot be returned and no matter how hard you personally try, some people will simply not stop believing in what they have been told. This is worse in a small town where everyone knows everyone - I am not sure if this is the case.

      If he has done this on purpose to hurt you, this is domestic violence and you are not to blame - he is the one who is wrong so don’t let him pull you down - be strong, be courageous, be one full of grace because you will stand out as a Godly woman rather than someone who is out for revenge. Don’t bad mouth him in turn.

      There is no quick fix to this sort of problem but for me, God does answer prayers.
      If the answer is yes to the last question - praying is my first advice

      Delete
    2. yes, I am a Christian, yes, we are together....our town is not very small but we are pretty well known...
      thank you very much, I hope to be well soon..
      Michelle

      Delete
    3. That is great to hear and between the two of you, things can be mended - but never forget the power of pray :)) I will pray for you too :)

      Delete
  5. My Husband is the one speaking ill about me. I have told him that this is not respecting or loving at all.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have never been a fan of the statement men are to be respected women to be loved. Women deserve respect too. Speaking ill about them is just as disrespectful as women speaking or posting ill. My Husband lost a lot of respect for posting snide remarks. I told him that I will not tolerate such disrespect ever again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A man who truly loves Christ would never speak ill of his wife - being snide and nasty about one’s wife (or one’s husband) is not behaving in a Christian manner. Husbands are to love their wives even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it - that is an extraordinary love which also includes respect, in fact it is way more than respect. The Bible tells women to love their husbands (Titus 2) and to respect their husbands and yes, these can be mighty hard when they treat up badly.

      It is so important to not behave like your husband are respond like he does. One should never get in the gutter as that only makes you as bad as he is. Have strength and courage and lean on the Lord.

      Delete

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