Can I have different opinions to me husbands?

The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. (Proverbs 31: 11-12)

There is two schools of thought:

1. As a submissive wife, we should never disagree with our husbands because he is the head of the household and his word is final, we should share the same views as our husband in all things and never question his decisions.

2. Yes, we can have different view points to our husbands and as adults we can discuss and debate these ideas.

Just imagine if all wives thought the same as their husbands and didn't dare have an opinion on anything. Our husbands wouldn't have anyone to bounce ideas off,  to discuss different view points, to have a true intellectual conversation—it would be no different to living with one's housekeeper (as in the old days). Being a helpmate meanings helping your husband by sharing your views and ideas, having discussion about issues and its not about being silent, that is often very unhelpful. We are not robots in our own homes, we are not voiceless and the bible never once says that women are to have no voice, to never speak up. 

Women have a lot to contribute in the home (and elsewhere). Women have great ideas, just as men do and when married, husbands and wives can combine their ideas and knowledge and between the two of them solve all sorts of difficult issues. Women often tackle problems differently to men and due to these differences, provide two perspectives to an issue, sometimes this is needed to reach an conclusion (God made us these differences for a reason, not for women to be silent but compliment me). 

However, there are somethings that are important to agree upon before marriage — children, discipline, education and finance and most importantly, both being Christian.  But other day-to-day activities it is ok to have varying views and ideas. Perhaps you are watching a documentary and you have one opinion and your spouse has another — this opens up for lively discussion and debate. Or perhaps you are thinking of buying a new fridge and you both undertake research on what you would like and have an open discussion together on the pros and cons of the different fridges. Your husband will welcome your input as you tend to use it far more than he will and know what features will be useful. In this example, it is best to determine a cost before undertaking the discuss so you both know what you can afford (setting the ground rules).  

The most important thing to remember when debating or discussing ANY issue is to:

* not turn it into an argument
* not control the conversation
* not manipulate
* not become bitter and cross
* not sulk 
* and to not use tears or emotional rhetoric, even if you are passionate about a particular topic.

If the discussion does become heated and that does happen (often) it is the way we respond that is critical. Christlike, gentle, kind with grace. In the end, it really doesn't matter as it isn't about winning and loosing and it isn't worth hurting your husband or your marriage. A marriage is a partnership — it should never be a battle ground on any topic.  If you feel your husband has got it wrong, PRAY, it doesn't mean a decision will alter, it means leaving in the Lords hands. 

In the end (i.e. buying a new fridge) requires a decision and most husbands will take the views of their wives into any final decision or they are perfectly happy for their wife to make the final decision (as we did in our house).  Most husbands as not dictators and want and encourage their wives to participate in the decision making process or are perfectly ok if their wives don't want any part in a particular decision i.e. buying a car. In fact in many marriages, decisions are made together with both the husband and wife putting in equal input. 

When Christ is the centre of one's marriage, love and respect for each other will also be central. Even if you both have different views, that respect for one another means that it won't turn into a war.  No husband wants a door-mat as a wife, husbands welcome their wives views and discussion. Submitting to one's husband does not mean being silent, that isn't being a helpmate in anyway — men don't want to make all the decisions on their own and most want to have equal input from their wives. 

She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her. (Proverbs 31: 27-28)


  1. So very well said, My husband and I have been married for 45 yrs. He is a loving and wonderful man. I so wonder why, women and men want to make so much out of the submission thing. It is so simple and loving.[just as you posted]. God loves us, and He made us as help mates to our husbands. This is an honor..Not something to argue or disagree to do. My husband is always proud to listen to my thoughts and ideas.He shows great respect for me as his wife, and mother of us children. We discuss our beliefs and our ideas.. We do occasionally disagree, but its no big deal. It makes us have something to talk
    thank you for a great post.

    1. Most men want to hear the views of their wives and would hate to have to make all the decisions whilst their wife did not but say "yes dear". God gave us all brains and we need to use them. Thanks Judy for stopping by :)

  2. This is explained well. Thank you!

  3. This is a thought provoking post. I have also heard it pointed out that husbands want a wife who is an adult. When she doesn't have any views of her own, the man ends up being the only person in the house who is thinking adult thoughts about decisions, issues, and ideas. Many men do not appreciate that. It only makes their responsibility greater, and it is not helpful to them.

    1. I had a conversation with a younger couple and the husband said that he really appreciated his wife's view point and wanted her to be involved in any conversation they had - he didn't want to make all the decisions himself or have no one to bounce ideas off. A marriage is a partnership - two people becoming one and if the wife doesn't contribute it isn't much of a partnership at all.

      It also isn't healthy for a woman, especially those are at home all the time and never make a decision. My mother knew a couple of women who were like this and when their husbands died and these women were in their 60s they were too afraid of making decisions and didn't know how to do basic things like ringing up the bank. My mum had to help them adjust to living on their own and making decisions.


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