11 ways to love and save a marriage


Thanks to my cousin Bets for posting this on Facebook a few weeks ago — a perfect reminder to all of us who are married which, as we saw on Monday post (LINK), becoming a less frequent institution with a  growing number of couples with desire to marry.




Marriage is HARD work and for many it is a very bumpy ride which sadly a growing number of husbands and wives are willing to give up on when the bumps become too much. 

We all like to travel on the smooth freeways, but many of us find ourselves on the stoney backroads and without God these backroads are very unpleasant.  I can remember as a child my dad driving on  dirt roads like corrugated iron and it was bumpy and did the car and tyres no good but many of us  are not willing to put in the work required to move back to the bitumen freeways. 

— if only we as a society were more willing to improve our listening skills, the ability to give rather than take, praying during the good and bad, sharing more, enjoying each others company, trusting, forgiving, speaking with kindness, responding without arguing — so many more marriages would last and many many more children would be brought up in harmonious homes.  And we know that children do suffer greatly from divorce and all it entails. 

I looked up the meaning of harmonious and it means "sweet-sounding, pleasant-sounding, sweet toned, lyrical, soothing, agreeable, peaceful, cooperative, good-natured" — don't we all want our homes and our children surrounded by peace and harmony, I think we would all say yes! So it is worth fighting to keep one's marriage on smooth roads and to avoid those bumpy backroads as much as possible. 


As women we can do much to help save our marriages and make them strong. 

— we need to listen more and talk less, women have a  terrible habit of talking too much and our poor husbands find themselves ear-bashed from all all our talking. It completely overwhelms them and they simply struggle to understand why we need to talk through an issue in such detail. Less is more girls!


— we are very quick to blame our husbands when things don't go the way they should. I can remember telling my husband that he hung the washing incorrectly (not my way) — I should have just been thankful he hung out the washing and not complain. To be honest, washing does dry even when hung differently — be thankful for all that our husbands do for us and stop the nitpicking girls.


— we like things done our way as if it is the only way, its not. Our husbands are bright and intelligent   and they have many great ideas that we should stop and listen too!! We need to listen to them. We are not always right . . .  imagine that!!


— women have a very bad habit of treating husbands like children and dismiss their ideas or scolding them when we think they have done something wrong (not what we would do). When we do this we are not being respectful or honouring them as we should. In fact women tend to not do this to anyone else but their husbands, they wouldn't talk down to others so why do they do it to their husbands.

by Bessie Pease Gutman

— nagging, o'dear we are so bad at this. It can be very frustrating, we want our husbands to do something and they just don't get around to it (for whatever reason) — best option is to keep quiet, nagging doesn't sound great and it doesn't generally change the situation. I have waited 7 years for a old dog kennel to be moved, patiences is my best option, it will happen one day!


— as the bible states very strongly, our husbands are our leaders and we need to submit to them (not something that modern girls like and is goes against modern culture).  We need to trust our husbands when they lead and stop trying to grab the steering-wheel to take control. We may not always agree but what harm can happen when we follow, very little and to be honest, the sky won't fall in. Most husbands are more than happy to ask our opinions when decisions need to be made, but they don't want be hit over the head with our opinions endlessly (back to less talk more listening). And remember, someone has to make the final decision and doesn't alway have to be us ladies (yep, true!)!! If submission is difficult and I certainly find it so at times, trust the Lord and it becomes much easier — because through Christ, anything is possible.


— we need/must respect our husbands, as Sarah respected Abraham. Not easy at times especially when our husband's behaviour is highly questionable and unGodly, but regardless God has asked us to, so we shall "and let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:33)


— we need to be a willing helpmate to our husbands and that means helping and not hindering. That doesn't mean we are his doormat or slave — but out of love we do whatever we can. Because, remember, this is the guy we feel madly in love with and would do anything for when we first met, we need to continue this "willingness to do anything for" for more than the first few months of marriage.


— kindness is free and we need to be kind, caring, generous and fun for our husbands — they have lots of stresses and worries in their lives and they need to know that we are there for them (hey, remember, we are their help-mates). And when they are happy, we will be happy and our children will be happy and all in all — our homes will be harmonious — sweet sounding and that is what we are aiming for.


All these things take discipline and require us to make changes in our lives — for those women who talk more than listen, it can be hard to change. But won't it be worth it in the end. To have lots of love, a happy marriage and in turn happy kids and home. 



Comments

  1. I like your discription , ""stop trying to grab the steering-wheel to take control. ".
    Yes, the word submit makes the worldly woman cring. A Godly woman is not of this world and needs to submit to her husband. Both will be happier and their marriage will be long to God.
    God won't let that marriage fail.
    Great post!!!

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    1. Submission is at its hardest when the husband isn't behaving Godly, but that is when a woman needs to trust with all her heart that God will watch over her and through her quiet submission change her husband's heart. it can be very difficult and can take years. Have a wonderful week xx

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  2. Thanks Jo, what I needed to hear again today...
    love,
    Bets

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    1. And thankyou for posting the original "quote". I think we all need it - often :)

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  3. I kind of needed this reminder - "kindness is free and we need to be kind, caring, generous and fun for our husbands". Thanks. Stopping by from Wise Woman.

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    1. Laura - I need it often too - I don't have a perfect marriage and it requires lots of work to keep it turning over in the right direction :))

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  4. This is a great post but so hard to read and realize how much work us ladies have to do!! Guilty of most of it!!

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    1. Life is hard but with God, all things are possible :)) Never give up as God never gives up on us.

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  5. Whew! My toes are sore from this one! lol I needed this gentle reminder that I do so often treat my husband like I do my children instead of just being thankful for all that he does do for our family!! Thank you!!

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    1. I also have to catch myself when I talk down to my husband and treat him as if he didn't know anything!!

      The way he hangs the washing always annoys me, but I just keep reminding myself that he does it for me and that is wonderful. We have so many things to learn and remember including that neither party are perfect and we both just need to keep on trying .

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  6. all true..i don't go on about the little things anymore because i realize in the end he is the one person who always has my back no matter how much we irritate each other at times..marriage is a investment in a life

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    1. I read a quote the other day (which I included in my "welcome to February" - Every time you get upset at something, ask yourself it you were to died tomorrow, was it worth wasting your time being angry? and I think its true with the little things too, does it really matter in the end. and to be honest, it doesn't.

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  7. Indeed great reminders.

    I've been much more purposeful in praying for my marriage. The list you shared are great "prayer points" for marriage which I will definitely be using. :-)

    So glad I stopped by! Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thanks Karen - and I am so glad you did drop by. Have a wonderful week ahead .

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  8. So many items in this post ring true. I scold my husband when he helps, but I feel it is the wrong way because he didn't follow my standards. You're right...just appreciate him.

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    1. I think we are all guilty of these behaves, I'm always trying to catch myself doing them - I'm a work in progress like most women :))

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  9. This one does hit home! I'm thankful you wrote it (even when my conscience was smitten by the reminders) and it's something I need to hear (often) and need to pray about (very often). Marriage is work, marriage is hard, but it is all SO worth it because of the benefits it reaps for so many: children, husband, wife, society, the Body of Christ... the list goes on! Having a strong marriage that is an example is so important especially in today's dark world. Our marriage needs to be a beacon that shows others a testimony - after all, our marriage is a picture of Christ and His Church (Body)!

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    1. It was a good thing for me to write as much as it was for others to read - I too needed to be reminded of many of these things. Yes, marriage can be like climbing Mount Everest at times and you just want to return to Base camp and give up.

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