Unbelieving husbands

Do you know of Christian women who are married to unbelieving husbands? Have you seen them in church, perhaps they don't come very often. You may know a Christian woman who, when asked "which church do you attend" becomes embarrassed or stumbles over the answer. Perhaps you don't as these women are not always keen on sharing their stories with others.  

I am one of these women - life can be very difficult, it can make ones Christian journey very lonely, it can create difficulties with mixing and sharing fellowship with other like minded Christians, following the scriptures such as submitting to ones husband can be very difficult knowing that you husband thinks it is a load of rubbish, it can mean being made fun of , it can result in compromising ones beliefs and the list goes on.  There are many women in this situation - not just me.  Please don't feel sorry for us - God is with us  - all the way on this journey.

I picked up a book recently by Ann M. Velia called Unbelieving Husbands and I was so excited.  Finally I had found an author who truly understood my situation and women like me. Her advice was spot on, finally I had confirmation that what I have been doing (trying to do) was correct.  Ann is a Christian counselor and this comes across strongly in the book (her mother married an unbelieving husband so she has first hand expereince with what it means).  So what does she suggest.

Ann starts by this one verse "And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him" (Corinthians 7:13) - if the husband is willing to stay, God is willing to work.  God is there, each and every day, working quietly.  She goes onto quote "Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, an verily thou shalt be fed.  Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart" (Psalm 37:3-4)

Ann stresses the importance of not trying to convert your husband, bombard him with Bible verses, have discussions on religion or spreading the house with Christian literature - this can lead to arguments and create all sorts of problems, she says "Our goal is for our husbands to see Christ as often and as clearly as possible when they look at us.  He is "the Light" we are to let shine, not by striving to impress our husbands, but by nurturing the presence of Jesus within us. . . . Our job is to give our husbands the expereince of godly love and the challenging example of a life lived for Christ."  

But most important to everything - PRAY WITHOUT CEASING (even if done in silence)  - so critical in these unbalanced marriages.  God will use this marriage and all its problems for good purposes  no matter how bad the situation is, but the Christian wife must have faith and let God take control of the marriage. That can be very difficult.

Finding a quiet place to read the Bible can be tricky at times - I am bound to get comment from my husband.  However with modern technology such as e-books, I can now read my bible at any time and my husband never knows.  You might think this is being sneaky - no, Ann advices Christian women to not provoke their husbands and that may require some undercover work.  God often provides me with times where I can read without anyone around. My husband knows I read the Bible, it sits openly on my desk but I do not go out of my way to create arguments.  He also sees the books I read as are on the bookshelves, I don't hide them, but neither do I advertise them.  As for dress, I dress with modesty but don't make a big deal out of it. I use to get comments about wearing skirts (big tents!), I don't anymore. Small changes done in prayer.

If you have a friend who is struggling - this book is perfect to recommend.  Ann uses the King James Version of the Bible, she also doesn't skip over wives submitting to their husbands which of course is difficult, she provides exercises at the end of each chapter and all in all - her advice is excellent.  In case you are wondering - no my husband doesn't know that I am reading this book.

Having an unbelieving husband has taught me patience - but this has been a hard long road (and I am not reached the end) I have forgotten the number of times I have prayed "why can't you change him?"  What has happened instead is that God has changed me - trying to make me that Light that we are to shine in our marriages. 

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  1. Jo: what a beautiful & encouraging post! ☺ So often God uses the things we want changed to change us instead ~ & so often I don't want to be changed. While my husband is a believer there are things in his past that have created havoc in our marriage & for someone like me, argumentative & garralous, learning to keep my mouth shut has been the hardest lesson I have ever had to learn. I did not want to learn it but until I did the changes I wanted could not take effect. Blessings my friend. ♥

  2. Dear Sister,
    Brave honest blog, I failed miserably in this area, where beliefs may have been held by both parties, but so different. Must confess after I finished reading, I wiped a tear away. As you know, you remain in our prayers, and we will continue to pray.
    Lots Love, Stephen

  3. My situation sounds a lot like Ganeida's. this sounds like a valuable book and one I will try to remember as this circumstance arises all the time.
    Most of us find it hard enough going in household where both are believers. God bless you as you seek to serve him and live a Godly life.

  4. Jo, I am not feeling sorry for you as you've said in your post but just wanted to say that you are a brave and courageous woman and if ever I come across someone in your situtation I might get them to read your blog and connect with you...you are right, I have not come across many women married to non-christians as they must keep it quiet / stay away from us christians:( I have known a few girls that have married non-christians and then found it difficult to continue their walk with God but not the other way around. Thank the Lord that you found this timely book and that it has been a blessing to you.

  5. Jo, thank you for sharing a bit more of a peek into your world. I actually have a sister in the Lord (fellowships at our church), and she is in your position.

    I know she finds it challenging. I will mention the book to her also. I believe the Lord will bless you more and more, because you perservere, both in the marriage, and in your walk with Him. He loves it when we endure the rocky road before us. And, I believe He rewards that kind of faith.

    Love and blessings my darling...

  6. There is a lady in our local church group who has an unbelieving husband - she might find it an encouragement to read this book, I must pass the message on to her. This is a very heartfelt and brave post for you to write, I'm sure sometimes you feel like you are alone as probably a majority of blogs we read each day are of Christian women with Christian families. I am sure there are many many Christian women with unbelieving husbands though, and it was important enough that God took the time to specifically write encouragement to all those women. The Lord bless you as you endeavour to shine for Him.

    As for me - my situation is much like Ganeida's also - and learning to keep my mouth shut and stop being argumentative has been and continues to be a difficult thing for me. It is hard to submit even when we have a believing husband; I keep praying for you and your situation.

  7. What a beautiful and Biblical post, Jo.

    I'm very glad you blog. (o:

  8. What a special, powerful post you've written. And what a strong, gracious woman you are -- definitely with Christ's light shining through you. It must indeed be a difficult situation. Like another commenter said, life is hard enough when both people are believers. We will keep you and your household in our prayers. May God richly bless you!

  9. Thank you for your kind words this week, they mean a lot to me - especailly when I feel like I am alone on this journey. I try to be strong Stacey, but I fail often.

  10. Jo - that you would share this so openly with friends is truly a blessing for us! I cannotimagine your struggle or your pain in this deeply personal struggle. I know your prayers are constant - and I know that the Lord has a plan. You are an inspiration to everyone who shares this deeply heartfelt pain.

    Hugs to you friend~~


  11. Beautiful! I'm traveling that road.
    Thank you.


    I'd love to here from you.


  12. Thank-you Rosemi for visiting my blog and leaving kind words. The road is very bumpy at times, but worth it I think.



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