Have you tried to change your husband?

Have you tried to change your husband?  I'm sure we all have from time to time - their deficiencies can drive us mad and we often make it our pet project to "remould" our husbands into the way we would like them to be - to always pick up their dirty washing, replace the toilet paper, arrive home on time, have more patiences . . .  I cannot be the only one who has done this.
We frequently face situations where we are tempted to think harsh and critical thoughts.  Sometimes as wives we are more inclined to concentrate on what our husbands are doing wrong than what they are doing right.  We are more more aware of their deficiencies than areas that they excel in. . . . Rather we must focus on our husbands' many commendable qualities.  As we do this, we will be amazed.  We'll start to discover more and more qualities that we were failing to see because we were blinded by our critical thoughts.
from Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahoney

What is interesting is that we are quick to find "problems" in others (in this case our husbands) but slow to find fault in ourselves.  We pray that God will change our husbands . . . to make them a better person, but in fact we ought to be finding ways to improve ourselves, to become more Godly women.  Speaking about myself here:) I am certainly not perfect and must drive others up the wall with my deficiencies.

A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations.  There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much.  She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.
from Love Has a Price by Elisabeth Elliot

The bible makes it very clear, after our relationship with God, our husbands comes next . . . our highest priority. We must focus on his needs rather than finding fault.  Something I continue to learn every day.



  1. Jo,

    This was a very convicting post.

    As you stated, I think all of us as wives have had the tendency to try and "change" our husbands. However, this is not our job. Our job is to appreciate the man that the Lord, in His mercy, was kind enough to bless us with.

    Of course, wives are to encourage and build-up their husbands. However, only God can has the power to change a husbands heart.

    I am also still learning the things that you mentioned in this post, Jo. I think to some extent, since none of us are perfect, we will always be learning and refining upon these matters.

    -Lady Rose

  2. I totally agree with you,Jo. It wasn't until long ago that I learned to trust God to change my husband's heart and to focus on me being a better wife. By changing or improving my weak areas, it made be a better wife, therefore I then had a better husband. Our hubbys react to positive change, and when they feel loved, respected and care for, we can only get positive reactions from them.

    I thank God for his wisdom and for helping me be a better wife.

    Have a great evening :)

  3. With the exception of one's children, it is futile to try and change anyone other than ourselves.

    Nagging doesn't work and it only tears your house down.

    Great post! This is something we *all* need reminded of every now and again. (o:

  4. Excellent reminder Jo! All my efforts to change my husband have probably been more likely to make him dig his heels in! ;) However, as Mari mentioned, if we change ourselves, our husbands appreciate the changes and are likely to respond to them, and I think this is the key to changes that make ALL of us happier and better people! :)

  5. For a funny reference to this subject, I recommend the song Marry the Man Today from the Broadway stage show Guys and Dolls. In it Sister Sarah and Adelaide discuss how they will attempt (and probably fail!) to change the men they are about to marry. It's good for a chuckle. :)

  6. Ouch...well I have to say thanks...God was speaking very loudly through this to me...even after 30 years I am still learning. Thanks!

  7. Yes! I have given a lot of effort to trying to change those around me. What a horrible waste of time. Not only is it futile, but it ends up tearing things apart.

    Changing myself has been the best tool ever for turning the tide in my little world. Thanks for the great reminder.

    God bless your day!

  8. I have discovered that we cant change other peoples behavior, but we can change our own, and with that others will follow...

    Thank you for this post, I need reminding from time to time.

  9. A great post! I read something the other day which was funny but so true - let's see if I can remember it: All the shortcomings that we criticise our husbands for are the things that stopped him getting a better wife (or something to that effect) , ouch!


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