What makes a Christian marriage?

I was reading on another blog about the struggles of marriage and how difficult it can be, I couldn't agree more.  Marriage can be tough, really tough.  I found this list by Nancy Leigh DeMoss which I thought was a good reminder -  things I ought to remember. So this is more a message to self than telling other people how to create a solid Christian marriage.  You may not need it as you have already reached this wonderful position but I have some more areas of improvement!

Every wise woman buildeth her house: 
but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands
(Prov. 14:1)

1. Am I building up my house or tearing it down?

2. Am I investing in my marriage? Am I nurturing the heart of my marriage?

3. Do I frequently express admiration and gratitude to my husband?

4. Am I reserving the best of my physical and emotional energy for my family?

5. Am I creating a climate (through words, actions, and attitudes) that makes my husband want to be at home?

6. Am I content to be “at home”? Am I finding my “fulfillment” through reverencing and serving my husband and family?

7. Do I reserve intimate communication, looks, words, and touch for my husband? Am I giving of my emotions, attention, affection to a man other than my husband?

8. Am I meeting my husband’s sexual needs?

9. Am I trustworthy? Is there any behaviour or relationship I am involved in that I am keeping from my husband? Have I been totally honest with my husband?

10. Does my husband have the freedom to be totally honest with me?

11. Am I fueling sensual thoughts and desires through books, magazines, TV programs, music, or movies that are not morally pure?

12. Have I become a “refuge” for a man who may be struggling in his marriage?

13. Am I looking to a man other than my husband (pastor, counselor, colleague) to be a primary source of counsel or to fill an emotional vacuum in my life?

14. Do I have a more intimate relationship—physically, emotionally, or spiritually—with any man than I do with my husband?

15. Does my demeanour tend to be “loud and defiant,” or do I communicate a meek, quiet, and submissive spirit?

16. Am I a “wall” or a “door” (Song of Songs 8:12)? Am I a “loose” woman? Do I communicate to the men around me that I am “available”? Does my demeanour invite them to “partake” of intimate parts of my body, soul, or spirit? Do I engage in flirtatious speech, looks, or behaviour?

17. Is there anything about my speech, actions, dress, or attitudes that could defraud the men around me?

18. Am I discreet and restrained in the way I talk with men at work? Is my conversation ever loose, crude, or unbecoming for a woman of God? Am I expressing admiration for a man that should more appropriately come from his wife?

19. Does my dress help men to keep their thoughts pure and Christ-centred? Is my dress feminine and modest?

20. Have I erected (and am I maintaining) adequate “hedges” in my relationships with men? What are those hedges?

21. Am I currently in a situation that is (or could become) compromising? Am I in a situation that could appear to others to be compromising?

22. Would my husband, as well as other men and women who know me, say that I am a woman of moral virtue and purity?

23. Have I purposed in my heart to be morally pure? Am I making myself accountable to my husband and to another godly woman for my walk with God and others?



  1. I find praying for DH and asking God to change me, rather than him, to be a step in the right direction for a better marriage.
    However the first ingredients for a Christian marriage includes both partners being a Christian, not just in name, but reality. Two sinners saved by God's amazing grace because of Jesus' death, burial and resurrection. When each partner lives in obedience to God's word the rest should fall into place. Much easier said than done however, since we all still sin.
    I know a number of people who are either engaged to non christians, or have married non christians thinking they can "make" them into christians once they are married. To do so is disobedience to God's word. The very few who haven't regreted marrying a non christian are those whose partners become christians, after marriage. Others to this day feel something is missing in their relationship, which obviously is the common foundation of the Lord Jesus. Once children are born more complications occur. How can a child choose between what his parents believe when they are divided in those beliefs? This often leads to confused and sometimes angry teenagers who as adults want nothing to do with Christianity.

  2. Jo,

    I appreciate this list of questions. Although my marriage is currently happy and fulfilling, that leaves me with no excuse on finding ways to make it better and stronger.


  3. I love this post!!! Gracias!! I love my husband and I love my marriage, your post is clear and to the point, I am sure I'll use it.


  4. This is a challenging but important list, Jo! God grant us the grace to be good wives, and to have strong marriages.


Post a Comment