Creating a home

As I was doing the housework/bread making on Saturday morning I was thinking of a blog I had recently read . . . it was mulling over in my mind.  I really shouldn't have taken it to heart, but sometimes these things happen.  The topic was about creating a home for ones husband and family and several comments were along the following lines:  that working women do "housework" and not "home-keeping" therefore they are "not creating a special home for their husbands" as they don't have the time to spend doing those finer details.  And because they don't have the time to "clean thoroughly" (deep clean) it isn't quite as "good/clean".   This really upset me. Very silly I know, but I don’t like these sort of comment as it tries to say (perhaps unintentionally) that some women are doing a lesser job because they aren't at home all day and if you aren’t at home all day your house suffers.  I have many working women as friends and they have lovely homes that are cosy (mess free), inviting and very special places to be. 

Yes, silly of me, because to be completely honest, the only person I need to be concerned about is my husband. If he is happy with our home and the way I do things then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I do my very best, I keep a clean and very tidy mess free home (anyone who knows me will know I am a neat freak!) and make it as special as possible . . . a haven from the world, a place to escape. I don't spend all day doing housework and I don't want to (and even if I was at home I won’t—housework is not something I can get excited about). I couldn't think of anything worse. But I think I am doing a pretty good job.

I was asked as a response to a comment I left about how often I did certain things . . . such as vacuum cleaning or wash the curtains. I don't know what the norm is for these activities—but I do them when they need to be done. I don't have a schedule (I am not a schedule sort of person) as such e.g. dusting on Monday and washing on Tuesday, but when the washing basket is full, I wash - doesn't everyone? I vacuum every night (DH doesn't like the cat hair!!) and I am so sorry but I have never wash a curtain in my life, the two sets I own must be dry-cleaned . . . they would be ruined in the machine and they are too heavy for me to iron. Does this make me a poor home makers?

In defence I do bake bread, make jam, grow my own veggies, bake cakes and other bad things, cook all my meals, do arts and craft, be a companion for my DH, provide advice to my adult sons and care for the 4 pets . . . is there anything else I should be doing — I don’t sew my own clothes. Sometimes my husband helps - he often cleans the windows (a job he enjoys doing!), he removes the spider webs (as he knows I am scared of spiders) and clean the carpets with the carpet steamer (he won't let me drive the machine!).
I am a homemaker, I love looking after my home and keeping it just the way my DH likes it. And as long has DH is happy, then all is well. It doesn’t matter if other people think differently — so I will stop dwelling on these comments and keep busy making my DH happy and content. And most importantly I will keep looking upwards to the Lord for guidances and strenght in all that I do, that I do the very best for Him and honour Him.  
Tomorrow is Saturday and I plan to give me house a clean (it won’t take me long) and pop out to the shopping centre. Afterwards I will spend sometime in the garden (if it isn’t raining) and perhaps go for a walk with DH.

Paintings by Susan Rios



  1. Jo, Yes you are a homemaker and it sounds like you're a wonderful one at that! Please don't let those shallow comments bother you. We all suffer from them in one way or the other. I too, am a homemaker. However, I have always been a stay to home wife/mom. Doesn't make me any more or less a homemaker than you or any other woman who makes her home a priority for her family. I know a couple of stay at homers who have such filthy homes. I used to do childcare for a fulltime teacher who had 2 children. Her home was always lovely, her children very well cared for and she made the most wonderful homemade gifts for her friends. I look up to her as a great homemaker!
    These comparison comments are out there for every circumstance. I hear so many negative comments because my husband works out of town all week and is only home on the weekend. If my son has a football or basketball game during the week he drives 3 hours to be there. He leaves the house at 3:00 am to be back to work on time. I've had people say that they would never put up with their husbands being gone so much. It's not good for a marriage or the kids. Well guess what? It works for us! He talks by phone to us every night. He helps my 14 yr old with homework over the phone. He gets all of the details of sports practice. We have had the most wonderful late night talks over the phone! When he's home on the weekend we're all so happy to be together. We get up at the crack of dawn every Saturday and we spend a couple hours over coffee and conversation. It's wonderful. I don't know that we would be so aware of quality time if he was home all week. I once tried to join a stay at home mom's group. After realizing that I was the only one who didn't homeschool I was made to feel pretty left out. When someone asked how many children I had I said 3. There was just silence. Then someone said that this was a christian group and these ladies followed the quiverfull movement. In other words lots and lots of kids. As many as possible. Well, I am a christian. after 7 very difficult pregnancies I had 3 children. I felt completely blessed and chose not to try for any more. I didn't bother telling them that. I never went back. As christian women we must stop comparing and judging one another. We should love our sisters in christ. When we are stung by comments let's just remember how shallow and ignorant the words are. Say a prayer for the offender and hold our heads high. There, I guess I just blew off some steam!! I know this was quite a long comment But, when I read your words I felt sad. I love your blog and look forward every day to your encouragement. You are very uplifting! And I LOVE art Wednesday :) Keep up the good work.

  2. Well said Jo! Homemaking is different for each of us I think depending on how God has wired us and what our life's circumstances are like. I cook healthy meals but I don't grow my own veggies, I don't sew but I run the household budget etc etc... I stay home but my house is not sparkling clean lol!I am too busy homeschooling and working part time (from home) as I need to, to help with the family budget! I've learned to do the best I can and stop comparing my home to others homes! I think ( and as you said )if my husband and daughter are happy and feel loved at home that is the goal! A home is not a physical place but the atmosphere within that place I think:)

  3. Thank you so much for this lovely post Jo! I needed to read it today. I only work about 10 hours a week on average, but this week I was there about 20 hours. It's hard for me. I feel like I am being a horrible wife and mother even though my kids and DH are quite happy. Just like your other comments (who said it so well)--you are a homemaker and a good one! And your post reminded me to tell myself the same things. If my family is happy--I am doing my job. :-)

  4. Thankyou so much Susan for your comments - they really made my day when i read them this afternoon - you made me feel so much better so a BIG THANKYOU.

    Each family is different and what may work for one, may not for another but we need to respect each other and not make assumptions.

    May you have a lovely weekend. I most certainly will with my family:)

  5. Bonnie - we are all doing the best we can and I strongly believe that the Lord provides us with the strength we need if necessary. So if I do have a lot to do in a week, He will provide and He does. I am rarely exhausted and I praise the Lord for that. Without his strength I would probably be in a heap. But I am not.

  6. Jo, I read the post you referred to and saw your comment etc.
    While I enjoy and agree with so much our sister writes..I do have concerns for the feelings of ladies such as yourself too.
    I'm sorry to see you disturbed by her words.
    In the long as you, your husband and God are happy with how you run your home..that's all that counts.
    You are doing just fine, my friend.
    Be at peace...and have a great weekend :-)

  7. I am amazed that you are able to do all this. Did you also work outside the home when your children were young? I was told by my husband to work outside the home about 7 years ago when we had two children (now we have 6). I was miserable, and I so hope I never have to do it again!

    I do agree we need to be respectful of each other because each wife has her own husband she must please and it is not always easy.

    Mrs. Q

  8. Yes I did Mrs Q and it all came down to being ultra organised (which comes very naturally to me). To be completely honest I don't get exhausted - I get tired but I would expect that anyway.

    I don't have a manual job, only my brain is used so coming home and doing things around the home is a nice way to wind down (not that housework doesn't require the use of ones brain - don't get me wrong). I am also in a job I love with flexible conditions of employment that has made work and family go very well together. If it didn't, I would run into all sorts of problems. My children (I have 2) were very helpful and would help around the home and now as adults they are well trained in running their own homes (and good cooks too).

    I don't think I do anything out of the ordinary at all. I do think the Lord has given me these things to do and He has given me the strength to do it. We are never given more than we can manage and I completely trust in the Lord for each days strength.

    In Gods grace.

  9. How terrible, Jo! I think Christian women can sometimes be so judgemental, so insensitive, and (dare I say it?), arrogant and nasty. I don't know what blogger/post you are speaking of, but I have read similar things before. It can be the same with all kinds of issues - these women judge without considering that not everyone's situation is the same.
    And I'm with Susan - if I tried to go to some of those homeschooling/Christian mother groups, they would probably judge me for only having two children - however having only two is not MY choice, it is what GOD has given me!
    You are a good homemaker, Jo, I know you are, and I admire all the things you manage to do despite working fulltime. Keep looking up!! :)


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