Domestic Violence

Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. Colossians 3:19

Every week in Australian at least one woman is murdered by a current or former partner. In the USA, on average 3 females and 1 male are murdered by their partners annually. 

Domestic violence affects more than one million children in Australia. In the USA, more than 6 million children witness domestic violence annually. 

40% of police time is taken up dealing with domestic violence, costing $13.6 billion a year. In the USA, domestic violence health related costs equal $5.8 billion. Just imagine the savings to policing and health if domestic violences was reduced.

During the Easter period alone, six women and children were killed as a result of domestic violence. In the USA, one women is beaten by her husband, partner every 15 seconds. 

1.2 million women in Australia (over the age of 15) who have experienced domestic violence. 

25 % of Americans (mostly women) have experienced domestic violence. Sadly, only around 25% of incidents are reported to the police, most go unreported. 

Worldwide, 1 in 3 women have suffered domestic violence. 

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Domestic violence is real, these statistics are not lying. Domestic violence comes in many different forms - all forms abhorrent.  Let no one convince you otherwise. 

"It's about social isolation, it's about financial control, it can be about spiritual control, nearly always there's sexual assault in the domestic violence process and there can be emotional control, undermining and humiliating [the victim]" (source) 

Domestic violences affects women from all walks of life: the rich, the poor, the working, mums at home, the elderly, those of different faiths, ethnic background, with children, without children. Thousands upon thousands of women are living in fear across Australia and struggle to find a way to escape their hell. For some women, domestic violence is a fight just to stay alive. Only a few weeks ago a husband stabbed his wife to death on a city street in full view of bystanders. She died as a result. Her teenage son witness the killing.  The husband didn't care who saw him, he only had one mission - to stop his wife. This is not an isolated case. 

A woman leaves her marriage as she has been constantly abused, emotionally, physically, psychologically. Her husband is a well respected member of a local church. He says he believes in submission - or more correctly in his case "control". The church turn a blind eye to his behaviour but they do recognise that he has a "bad temper".  Unfortunately they do not see the wife as the victim even though she is being beaten up on a regular basis. She now lives in fear of her life as her now ex-husband continues to threaten her with death, even approaching her on the street.

This is a true story and not unique.  

Sadly too many women are forced to suffer in silence - to their friends, the marriage looks perfect, their family appears to be happy (like in the painting above). It is all an illusion. The husband may be a well respected business-man but behind that suit lives a monster. 

Domestic violence must stop, women should not be living in fears in their own homes.  Children shouldn't be dying at the hands of their fathers as a way of making the mother suffer. 

Christian families are not exempt from domestic violences, it happens perhaps more than we would like to admit. Some men take their role of being the head of the family to a level that the Bible never states - one of complete control and total authority. They rule over their wives with an iron fist and demand forced submission and obediences. This is in complete contradiction to God's word but that does't stop their behaviour. 

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. (Ephesians 5:28-29)

So what can a Christian wife do?

First and foremost - pray and pray some more  - seeking God's endless wisdom and comfort. 

Do all that can be done to create a loving Christian home and behave as a Christian wife should. However this can be extraordinarily tough when one is being beaten and or emotionally tormented by one's husband. 

However, some women reach a point where it is impossible to keep living under the conditions they are living and they need to seek professional help and advice. No woman should remain in the marital home if her life and those of her children are threaten. 

No one should have to suffer in silence. These women need to talk to professionals who are experts in the area of domestic violence (including the police). Seek counselling, however this can be fraught with issues - some of these men can be charming in counselling but behind the scenes return to old habits. They need to want to change.  Find a close friend or friends that can provide moral support and a shoulder to cry on. These women need all the help they can get - they are the victim. Abused women need to be protected and should never be reunited with their husbands unless it is 100% safe and the husband has stopped his abusive behaviour. This can only happen if the husband is held accountable for his actions, admit that his behaviour is wrong and fully commits his life to Christ, making God the head of his household, treating his wife with love and kindness and himself, a servant of God. Sadly, the statistics show that many men who carry out domestic violence never change their ways, however with God, one can never say never. 

Whilst divorce should never be taken lightly and it isn't something the bible considers as the best option (much preferring reconciliation), there are times when it is the only option for those suffering acute domestic violence. This is especially true when the husband refuses to change his behaviour (or even acknowledges that he has a problem), the wife has done everything in her power to create a harmonious home but her physical and mental well-being is suffering as a result of her husband's violent behaviour (and her children are suffering unduly as well). She needs to get as far a way as possible from her husband - her life and the life of her children are far more important. 

But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery. (Matthew 5:32)

And for those women recovering from domestic violence, God does mend the brokenhearted, gives strength, protection, joy and peace and more than happy to carry our worries, fears and anxiety.  Lean on the Lord and He will carry you to safety. 

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;

My God, my strength, in whom I will trust;

My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 18:2



Source: US Department of Justice, 2013 Australian data, Australian Bureau of Statistics, ABC News

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