Being a lady

"Being a woman does not automatically make one a lady."

How many ladies have you met recently?

Probably not many because being a lady has gone out of fashion — it is seen as outdated, unnecessary, a way of holding women back and making them weaker in society. But when women reject ladylike traits, they become brash, harsh and hard, more critical, more competitive, bitter, frustrated, bad mannered, more vulgar in their language and their dress, louder and we are seeing an increase female drunkenness, drug taking, violence. 

I grew up with some wonderful examples of ladies, my aunts and mother were all taught to be ladies  as young women (both at home and at school) and as a result, they acted like ladies all their lives. It wasn't just in the way they dressed, it also in the way they spoke, walked, ate, behaved towards others, conducted their business, ran their homes and treated their husbands, children and other friends and family. I feel very privileged to have had such wonderful role models in my life, but sadly, not many women do these days. 

Interestedly, whilst modern women reject the ideal of being a lady, millions flock to watch programmes such as "Downton Abby" or rave about the Duchess of Cambridge — because, deep down, whilst many women think being a lady is old fashion, they still like seeing it. Whilst many are attracted to Hollywood stars, it is women such as Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Helen Mirren and Cat Blanchett that are see as truly beautiful because they were/are ladies in stark contrast to the ugliness of women like Kim Kardashian and the like.

Of course, deciding to be a lady, isn't only because its the right thing to do, its because the Word of God instructs women to behave in a certain such as . . .

• Be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. (1 Timothy 3:11)
• Speaks with wisdom and teaching of kindness is on her tongue (Proverbs 31:26) 
• Modest apparel, with propriety and moderation (1 Timothy 2:9-10)
• An excellent wife is the crown of her husband (Proverbs 12:4)
• Opens her hand to the poor (Proverbs 31:20)
• Meek and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4)

So how should a modern lady act? — here is my list of what I consider to be traits of a lady and to be honest, nothing on this is list is impossible and we can all do them.  The art of being a lady is relevant today as it was in days gone by and it is accessible to every woman — young and old. It doesn't make us weaker or have less power, in fact it makes us stronger and more beautiful on the inside. 

1. Be complimentary
2. Kind
3. Meditate on what is pure and lovely
4. Be respectful of others
5. Walk in faith
6. Smile—a lady knows that her smile is her best accessory
7. Thoughtful
8. Generous with your time, wisdom and resources
9. Caring
10. Gentle and quiet spirit
11. Happy and joyful
12. Positive outlook on life
13. Sincere
14. Discreet
15. Well mannered
16. Walk graciously
17. Be in control of yourself
18. Neat and organised
19. Helpmate to your husband
20. Create peaceful environment for family and friends
21. Talk calmly and quietly
22. Know when to be quiet
23. Listen more than you speak
24. Don’t interrupt others when they are talking
25. Be on time
26. Apologies when late
27. Always say “please” and “thank you“
28. Remember birthdays and send thank you notes
29. Send sick notes and messages of encouragement to those in need
30. Offer to help others in need
31. Gives up your spot in the line for someone else
32. Be a gracious guest
33. Be knowledgeable and well read
34. Thank the host for the lovely meal or afternoon tea, send a follow-up note of thanks
35. Carry yourself with confidence
36. Dress the part—don’t have to wear a suit or dress but a lady always wears clean, coordinated clothing
37. When in doubt, dress up rather than down
38. Dress with style and not trashy
39. Dress with others in mind
40. Ladies don’t wear clothes that are revealing and immodest
41. Keep make-up to a minimum
42. Keep jewellery that is tasteful and stylish
43. When popping down to the shop, make some effort in what you wear
44. Be nice to your server; not because it’s nice, but because we’re human beings
45. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it and apologise
46. Drink responsibly when out with visitors
47. Tuck in your chair when you get up to leave
48. It’s not always what you say—it’s also how you say it
49. Extends your hand to the needy
50. Undertakes good and godly work
51. Understands that beauty is on the inside
52. A lady never takes pleasure in the misfortunes of others
53. Tracksuits and sneakers belong at home and not in public
54. A lady will not flaunt herself, her valuables, or her accomplishments
55. A lady is not self-absorbed
56. Never lose your cool, a lady doesn’t lose her temper
57. If you have nothing good to say then don’t say anything at all
58. Actions speak louder than words
59. Ladies don’t use their mobile phones when enjoying the company of others
60. If you have to take a call on the mobile, leave the group for a few moments (apologies)
61. Ladies don’t put down their husbands and children to others
62. Ladies don’t take about money problems to others
63. If you say you will do something, follow up on it
64. Eat with others in mind
65. A lady doesn’t start fights
66. Always classy, never trashy
67. Be refined, polite and well-spoken
68. Keep your legs together when you get into or out of a car
69. Don’t gossip
70. Don't babble
71. Don't force your opinions on others
72. Don’t over indulge
73. Don’t be drunk and disorderly
74. Don’t spread rumours
75. Don’t swear
76. Don’t bite your nails
77. Don’t talk loud and overbearing
78. Don't talk over others when they are talking
79. Don’t laugh loudly
80. Don’t chew or talk with your mouth open
81. Don't place elbows on the table
82. Don’t be a drama queen. It’s unpleasant for those around you.
83. Don’t groom in public
84. Don’t spit
85. Don't be wild, untamed
86. Don't act masculine, macho, tough
87. Don’t laugh at another’s mistake
88. Don’t be hurtful to others
89. Don’t leave mess where you go
90. Don’t sit with your legs wide apart in a skirt
91. Don't sit with your skirt up well pass the knees
92. Don’t shout on the street, laugh noisily
93. Don’t make fun of others
94. No unsavoury jokes
95. Don’t give false compliments
96. Don’t take out your bad mood on others
97. Don’t flirt with men
98. Do not interrupt people speaking to you
99. Don’t be ignorant
100. Don't be foolish

And I would like to end with a photo of the four women who had the most impact on my life, these women (all sisters) were ladies, beautiful both on the outside and the inside. The first three are my aunts (all now in heaven), the last sister, is my mother (the youngest) and she has been an invaluable teacher and role model in my life. These christian women truly were precious. 

And the reason why they were so ladylike - their mother (below), one needs to be a role model to other women, especially daughters, nieces, grand-daughters. If they see us acting ladylike, they themselves will follow. 

*****